A Tough Nut to Crack

Restraining adults, such as your neighbor, seems to be more difficult. Concert halls and opera houses are packed with belligerent people who disdain complaining politely (with a regretful and sympathetic look) and get right down to insult and violence. Is there something about classical music that inspires this?

Dear Miss Manners:

We exchange gifts with one of my closest relatives, and on the attached gift tags from her family to me, my children and husband, they put "from" their whole family (she, her husband and daughter) and the dog.

I am offended that this seems to place the same value on each of my children as their dog. Am I wrong to be sensitive to this? Should I address this somehow? If so, how?

Your relatives' dog probably lives at the same address as they do. However, you need address only the lady when writing, if you ask her to extend your thanks to her family.

That this includes the dog should make him equivalent to their daughter, not your children, although it does make your family more distantly related to him. Miss Manners reminds you that having a primitive relative of one sort or another is a common problem most families learn to accept.

Feeling incorrect? E-mail your etiquette questions to Miss Manners (who is distraught that she cannot reply personally) atMissManners@unitedmedia.comor mail to United Media, 200 Madison Ave., New York, N.Y. 10016.

2006Judith Martin