Udderly Ridiculous

By Lisa de Moraes
Thursday, January 11, 2007

Knee-deep in "cow" testicles at Winter TV Press Tour 2007. Okay, slight exaggeration -- there were only enough of them to fill a pretty tray on a table the first day of the TV confab in Pasadena, Calif. The folks from National Geographic Channel served "Deep Fried Cow Testicles" at the dinner party the first night, as well as filet of crocodile, braised chicken feet and chocolate-covered crickets.

But, setting aside the point that cows have udders, not testicles -- shouldn't National Geographic know that? -- the little tray of batter-fried balls really were the perfect metaphor for the first couple days of the press tour, during which The Reporters Who Cover Television were asked to swallow an astounding amount of bull.

Among the bigger nuggets:

· Paris Hilton is a very nice girl, according to Courteney Cox, while plugging her FX series, "Dirt."

· Rosie and Donald are both very nice people, insists Danny DeVito while hawking his FX series, "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia."

· CNN Headline News's Cheshire-cat conservative Glenn Beck doesn't think people are stupid, Beck claims while promoting his CNN Headline News show.

· Tori Spelling -- she of the $1 million wedding (the first one) -- is perfectly suited to run a bed-and-breakfast because she never felt at home in Daddy's 100-plus-room house and is more comfortable serving others, Tori allows while discussing her new reality series for Oxygen network.

· And, saving best for last, the head of CNN Worldwide, Jim Walton, firmly believes CNN Voice of Wrath Nancy Grace stands for integrity, accuracy, class and timeliness, Walton says during a Q&A session with Larry King, who will celebrate his 50th anniversary on the air this year.

Reporters definitely choked on that one. One member of the press, giving voice to what was on everyone's mind, asked, "Just to follow, to use your words, then, you think that Nancy Grace exemplifies integrity, accuracy and class."

"Absolutely," Walton responded, adding quickly, "You can choose to not agree with her point of view or what she's saying. I'm not judge and jury, nor am I the morals police."

Nancy Grace is immoral? How did I miss that memo?

Larry King, on the other hand, was far more frank. (In fact, to date he's the frankest thing at the tour, and the press would have loved to chat with him longer, only CNN shuffled him off so reporters could hear from Headline News rant-meister Beck how proud he was not to be a journalist. The feeling was mutual, by the way.)

"How often do you interview somebody you just really don't like?" one reporter asked King.

Larry: "Often."

Another reporter asked Larry if it bothers him when he's told to get younger guests on his show -- like the cast of "24" this week -- instead of some 60-year-old newsmaker, in hopes of attracting a younger audience.

Larry: "Well, it bothers me because I'm 73 -- technically what we're saying is I don't appeal to myself."

Would he interview longtime friend Sandy Koufax on the show?

Larry: "I would do him immediately. The problem is probably the producers don't know who he is."

* * *

"Danny, are you drunk right now?"

That was a critic asking DeVito whether he was intoxicated at the Q&A session for FX's "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia."

Which of course was silly. It was clear he wasn't drunk. He wasn't sitting on Rosie O'Donnell's lap, or regaling the critics with his impression of President Bush: White House Chimp.

DeVito recently made quite a splash when a video of his odd-ish appearance on "The View" to promote his flick "Deck the Halls" turned up on YouTube. During his visit with the View-ettes, DeVito, who acknowledged he'd been out late drinking with George Clooney the night before, slurred his speech as he described his amorous night with his wife at the White House in which they trashed the Lincoln Bedroom and got bleeped several times doing his Bush Chimp routine before hopping onto Rosie's lap.

At the press tour, DeVito continued to stick by his story that he was just tired that day and his strange behavior was the result of a "nap."

* * *

Tori Spelling came to the press tour to chat about her new Oxygen network reality series, "Tori & Dean: Inn Love," in which the crazy-in-love Spelling and Dean McDermott, a.k.a. Husband No. 2, run a bed-and-breakfast and have a baby, all while being "outrageously famous," as Oxygen put it.

Given the divorce rate of C-list couples who have subjected their marriage to reality-television scrutiny -- Jessica and Nick, Kathy Griffin and whatshisname come to mind -- critics wanted to know what makes them think they would survive this show.

"We're going to be the exception, not the rule," McDermott said firmly.

"Yes," added Tori.

Asked if she felt pressure to live up to Jessica Simpson's tour de force performance as Jessica Simpson on the reality series "Newlyweds," Tori said emphatically, "No, because I know what tuna is," recalling Jessica's confusion over Chicken of the Sea.

Do either of them have any experience running a bed-and-breakfast?

McDermott said he had "some restaurant experience."

Of course, you and I know every actor has "restaurant experience." It's called "waiting on tables."

"And I just have really good style, so I thought I could spruce up the B&B," Tori added.

Besides, Tori added, having an actual thought, B&Bs had been good for them because they conceived their child at one in Ottawa. Which smelled a bit like pee, McDermott noted.

And, they insist they are going to be hands-on with the running of the place, though Tori says, "I don't clean toilets," and "I'm not all about breakfast because I'm usually not up early enough, but that's how we're modernizing it. I'm more into happy hours and hors d'oeuvres."