A Piercing Look At Goth Culture And Fashion

(Hagerstown? How did Hagerstown get in there, anyway? Is Hagerstown some sort of Goth hotbed? The editors didn't bother to explain.)

By the way, the No. 1 city for Goths is Los Angeles, despite the ever-present danger that the SoCal sunshine can turn a Goth's perfect pallor into a hideously glowing tan.

Gothic Beauty's articles are entertaining enough, but the ads are truly stupendous. An ad for Vampirewear.com offers "blood vials, empty vials, rose vials, fangs, shirts, hats, panties, coffin boxes." An ad for "Scarlet Noir gothic and burlesque accoutrements" offers a special deal: "Free death stud earrings with $60 purchase." And an ad for Haute Gothic fashion accessories reveals the company's cheerful slogan: "Death Is Just the Final Stage of Dying."

Heavy, man.

For years, Gothic Beauty readers have bombarded the magazine's editors with letters complaining that there aren't enough features on Goth fashions for men. Recently the editors heard these heartfelt pleas and responded by asking the guys from the Astrovamps, who bill themselves as "Hollywood's Legendary Gothic/Death Rock Band," to provide fashion tips for Goth guys.

Alas, we don't have the space to reprint all 25 bits of sage advice, but here are some of the highlights:

"Always wear eyeliner."

"Bluejeans are a Goth fashion sin!"

"For lipstick and nail polish, black and blood red are the only colors you'll ever need."

"Black vinyl! Wear it! Buy it! Collect it! Own it! Trade it!"

"To avoid looking store-bought, roll around on the ground a little."

"Paint your fingernails. There's nothing worse than seeing someone with a cool look and outfit, and then notice they haven't painted their fingernails."

There you have it, Goth gentlemen: words of wisdom. Heed them and march on, all the way to Hagerstown.