Week 700: Stump Us

In May 1991, a Washington Post story quoted Democratic experts as saying the only guys who could raise enough money to have a chance in the 1992 election were Mario Cuomo and Lloyd Bentsen (or maybe Dick Gephardt or Al Gore or Jay Rockefeller). Our point is that, in February 2007, there are still plenty of candidates -- and potential candidates, even far-fetched ones -- for whom you can write funny slogans. This week: Come up with someone's slogan for the 2008 presidential campaign. While we'd especially like great ones for the actual likely candidates, those for other hominids will also be considered.

Winner receives the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. First runner-up gets a homemade ceramic grogger (noisemaker) in the shape of a piece of hamantaschen, the pastries served on the Jewish holiday of Purim, which begins the day this contest's results are printed. Despite its appearance, we are pretty sure that the pinkish clay emerging from the top of the pastry is not supposed to be a pork filling.

Other runners-up win a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt. Honorable Mentions (or whatever they're called that week) get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Magnets. One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e-mail to losers@washpost.com or by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, Feb. 12. Put "Week 700" in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published March 4. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. This week's Honorable Mentions name is by Dave Prevar. The revised title for next week's contest is by Stephen Dudzik. This week's contest, first run back in Week 22 at the suggestion of still-Losing Elden Carnahan, was recommended to the Empress by Russell Beland. This week's prize was donated by Marleen and Rachel May.

This just in! We've just learned why the pink plastic pig we offered as a prize for Week 698 seems to be the world's least effective cooling fan. That it because it is actually a little crumb-vacuum for the dinner table, according to reader Karen Sloane of Louisville, who got one as a Christmas present. Well, it's not as if we felt any suction from the thing either. But its pigness at least makes sense.

Report From Week 696

The prize for Week 700.(Julia Ewan - The Washington Post)

our biennial contest to combine the names of new members of Congress to produce legislation: As usual, Losers were way more productive than Congress, churning out several thousand bills. Most common were along the lines of the Fallin-Johnson Act to promote ED research, and the Castor-Corker Law to help prevent laxative overdoses.

As always when we run the results of this contest, you have to be pretty flexible in reading them. For instance, you have to accept Mahoney as "ma honey" and Yarmuth as "yar mouth." "Walz" is used for both "walls" and "waltz." We did not, however, accept Hodes as "hotties," and we would never even share with our readers such ridiculosities as Castor-Murphy-Murphy to mean -- are you ready? Because we had to ask for the translation from Jeff Brechlin of Eagan, Minn. -- "customer femur fee."

4 Walz-Yarmuth-Hirono resolution to suggest that Sean Lennon and Yoko try out for "Dancing With the Stars." (Dave Zarrow, Herndon) [That would be "Waltz your mother, Ono." For the rest, you're on your own.]

3 The Sanders-Walz Act to replace "The Star-Spangled Banner" with the Chicken Dance. (Tom Galgano, Bowie)

2 the winner of the Heinz Microwaveable Spotted Dick: The Fallin-Whitehouse-Hall Act to institute a national day of remembrance for President Ford. (Ernie Staples, Silver Spring)

And the Winner of the Inker

The Whitehouse-Brown-Walz Act: An emergency appropriation to redecorate the Oval Office after you-know-what hit the fan in November. (Pam Sweeney, Germantown)

Second Billing

The Corker-Yarmuth-Whitehouse-Perlmutter Resolution reminding Barbara Bush to never, ever say anything else about Katrina victims. (Kevin Dopart, Washington)

The Space-Walz Act, which appropriates funding for a fence to keep out illegal aliens. (Dan Landau, Potomac)