Overachieving Students Hear a New Message: Lighten Up

"We're trying to change the atmosphere so that people understand it's better to have a well-balanced student going to a 'good fit' college, as opposed to a neurotic going to an Ivy League school," said Fran Landau, director of school counseling at Whitman.

Last fall, Holton Arms, a private girls' school in Bethesda, introduced a schedule designed to give students more time to meet with teachers outside of class as well as more free periods during the week to pursue individual interests. The school also encourages parents to delay the college search until junior year.

"The main message we give them is: 'Don't worry. Your child should be living high school, not worrying about college,' " said Beatrice Fuller, the school's co-director of college counseling.

At Oakton High, counselors have tried to reduce stress by being upfront about homework loads. Too often, counselor Tim Hopkins said, students were enrolling in AP classes without knowing how much work was required. By being told ahead of time, teens can decide whether they can handle the work.

The school, like many others, also publishes a list of where its students enroll after graduation -- a gentle reminder that there are plenty of good schools out there.

Even middle schools are getting into the act. Thomas W. Pyle Middle in Bethesda, which feeds into Whitman, has established homework-free weekends and study skills workshops to help children become more organized and less stressed.

At Whitman, Principal Alan Goodwin also has resisted pressure to start an International Baccalaureate program out of concern that it would intensify an already tense academic environment. Three years ago, parents launched the Stressbusters Committee, which focuses on finding ways to help students feel less anxious.

But getting high-achieving, type-A students to slow down can be a challenge.

When Marcy Berger's son Andrew, a thoughtful, highly motivated college-bound student at Whitman, told her as a freshman that he wanted to take an eight-period day-- one more period than is typical -- she told him no. He went to his counselor, who agreed with Mom.

Two years later, when Andrew begged her to let him add AP English to his packed schedule, the answer was the same: No.

But that time, she lost -- a defeat she attributes to family dynamics. While she preaches moderation, her easygoing attitude is not necessarily shared by her husband or son. She relented, and Andrew got an A in the course.

Some of today's academic angst is fueled by demographics. Last year, there were more prospective college applicants than ever, according to the National Association for College Admission Counseling. The bulge in the number of college-age students is expected to continue into 2010, but colleges might not be accepting more students. In fact, some are accepting fewer.