A Balanced Joint Venture

I f you want to successfully manage your money with your honey, try the following tips:

* Don't lie about your spending. The truth always comes out. "Like partners in a business, both of you have a vested interest in making the other happy and keeping each other involved and informed when it comes to where your money goes," says Carmen Wong Ulrich, author of "Generation Debt: Take Control of Your Money." "Be fairly transparent about where your money is going. If you're committed to each other and trust ranks high in your home, tell each other about your money habits."

* Set financial goals together. It's critical that you figure out what the two of you value the most and do what it takes to meet those financial goals. "Take an evening or weekend afternoon to separately write down the goals you have for your money -- big to small -- from a ski vacation to shoring up your IRA," says Ulrich, who worked with PayPal on its "Can't Buy Me Love" survey. Ulrich advises couples to exchange lists and work to agree on the big goals, like saving for your child's college or buying a home, and compromise on the little ones. "Sharing goals no matter what the size strengthens your partnership and gets you closer to being on the same page when it comes to money and your future," she says.

* Create a fair and equitable system in which each partner has spending money. That doesn't mean setting up separate accounts. Just allocate a certain amount of money that you each can spend every month without any judgment. Consider this money your personal allowance.

* Agree to a spending limit. Create a rule that prohibits either one of you from spending anything above a certain amount without getting the other's ideas and approval. Depending on your income, expenses and debts it could be as little as $20 or as much as $200. Think of it as getting a second opinion. It often can prevent unnecessary spending. And if you agree to a spending limit, stick to it.

* Learn to negotiate. Some of the biggest arguments over money result when one partner wants to spend money on something the other doesn't. You've got to compromise if you're a couple.

* Get help if you are constantly arguing about household finances. Too many couples wait too long to get help. A trained counselor can help you recognize why you are making certain decisions about money. Check with the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy ( http://www.aamft.org) for the name of someone in your area.