Financial Infidelity

She wonders if they should see a marriage counselor.

That would help.

"What we really need is to have ground rules about how we save and spend money," she wrote.

I couldn't agree more.

But then she tells on herself. Her husband isn't the only one busting the budget. She writes: "His idea of budgeting is 'Just don't spend money.' Well, that is impossible as a stay-at-home mom. You get asked to have coffee or lunch with a parent, donate to a community project, have other kids over for lunch or dinner, go to a movie, McDonald's . . . etc."

She mentions expenses you can't avoid -- groceries, gas, medical bills. However, if you're in debt and you don't have an emergency fund, you have to cut back, whether you're the spouse working in the home or outside. If you are the stay-at-home parent, that doesn't mean you have to cut all contact with friends. You just need to find a way to socialize that doesn't involve spending money you don't have.

Specifically, the Eastern Shore mom wanted to know if should she do the following: get a monthly cash/flow budget; pay off credit card debt (more than $30,000); start a monthly college fund for their 7-year-old son; and set aside at least three months of living expenses for an emergency fund.

In this order, here's what I would suggest she do:

· Get counseling if she and her husband can't discuss their household finances without fighting. Counseling can help to determine why they overspend.

· Sit down and come up with a budget. Start by listing income and then expenses. Go through the list of expenses and find ways to cut.

· Develop a plan to attack that $30,000 in credit card debt. And that starts by putting away the cards. They should not charge another dollar until that debt is completely paid off.

· While cutting expenses, try to save something, even if it's just $20 from every paycheck.