Parental Guidance: Speaking Frankly With Girls

· What if your child asks about a word that shocks you?

First, advises Roffman, don't overreact. "This is not an emergency," she says. "Feel grateful that they're willing to talk to you about it. . . . When children think they have to worry about our reaction to the things they bring us, they stop bringing them to us."

Give a simple definition of the word, suggests Roffman. In addition, she notes, "If it's an insulting word, you can say, 'That's a word people use to put other people down. That's not a word I use, and I don't want you to use it.' "

· What if your young daughter strikes excessively provocative poses?

"There are girls who will put their bodies in a very adult-oriented posture and pronounce, 'I'm being sexy now,' as young as 5 and 6," Roffman says. "They're paying attention all the time, and what they're seeing [in the media] is woman after woman showing themselves as sexually available.

"You have to distinguish fantasy world from real life. You might say, 'That's the way a woman, especially a woman on television, might look or act, but you're 5, and she's a woman. Let's figure out how you can stand and walk that's about who you are, which is a child.'

"We need to make clear distinctions. [Children] see a world often with no boundaries between adults and kids, and adults have to make it clear that children are children and adults are adults."

-- Stacy Weiner