Abuse Victims Demand More Than a Check From the Church

"I said I remember being on a confirmation retreat there, and the night of that retreat Father Patrick O'Donnell crawled into my sleeping bag and raped me," Mains said. "You could practically hear their jaws drop."

"One of the most powerful experiences I've had," he continued, "was to stand up in front of those people who . . . felt we were trying to take their churches and property away. It was amazing to me how their anger dissipated when we told them what happened to us."

Victims' attorneys say one of the most common demands is a personal apology, usually from a bishop. Before the Archdiocese of Washington settled with 16 victims in December, it promised each of them a private meeting with either Cardinal Theodore E. McCarrick or his successor, Archbishop Donald W. Wuerl.

In Davenport, Iowa, victims got an apology from Bishop William E. Franklin and a monument in front of the diocese's headquarters. It consists of an old-fashioned stone for milling flour, along with a quotation from Jesus: ". . . if anyone causes one of these little ones who trust in me to lose faith, it would be better for that person to be thrown into the sea with a large millstone tied around the neck."

Lawyer Craig A. Levien, who negotiated on behalf of 37 Davenport victims, said the diocese readily agreed to the monument but "flatly said no" to victims' demands for its files on abusers. Other lawyers said they have met similar resistance around the country.

Mark Chopko, general counsel for the bishops conference, said that dioceses "have to protect employees' privacy, just like any other employer." But he said non-monetary compensation has become routine since 2001, when two California dioceses agreed to set up a toll-free hotline as part of a $5.2 million settlement with Ryan DiMaria, who had been abused by his school principal.

"It's a human response to a human problem," Chopko said.

In North Carolina, the Evans brothers did not know what to expect when they broached the idea of exhuming a priest.

But the Diocese of Raleigh, which also agreed to pay the three brothers $250,000 each, took their request seriously. "It was felt that if this was part of what was needed for the brothers to be healed, then it would be carried forth," said spokesman Frank Morock.

The main stumbling block, Morock added, was that Kuder died so long ago -- 1960 -- that it took months to track down his next of kin and obtain permission for the move.

W. Neal Evans, 64, the oldest of the brothers, said Kuder was a frequent visitor in their home in the 1950s. Their father was chairman of the parish council at Kuder's church, St. Joan of Arc, and was pleased when the priest took an interest in the boys, he recalled.

Although the abuse was "horrific" and continued from the time each boy was 9 until 13, Neal Evans said, Kuder used the confessional to keep it secret. Twisting Catholic doctrine, which provides that priests may not reveal what is said in a confession, the priest told the boys that anything they confessed, they had to keep secret.

"Kuder was a master," Evans said. "He would rape us, and then he would hurry us off to another priest to confess. . . . What I think about now is, how come none of those other guys ever said, 'Tell your parents!' "

Last weekend, Neal, Jim and Bob Evans, accompanied by their wives, visited the graves of their mother, who died in 1976, and father, who died in 1988, for the first time in many years.

They put their arms around one another, but they did not cry.

"It was a joyous occasion," Neal said.