For Hoyer, a Life Of Quiet Victories, Redefined Purpose

"You really do reflect back on all the things you did, all the travel I did overseas, all the time that was not spent with Judy and the family," he says.

"He's got all this energy; he's working 12, 16 hours a day -- that was what life was to him," says his daughter Stefany Hemmer. "My mother's death sort of jerked him into reality and said . . . there's something else out there other than Congress."

But Hoyer couldn't quit. "I sort of threw myself into work more," he says.

And the next step was the race for minority whip, against a formidable opponent: Pelosi. In 1999, they began a grueling, two-year battle. Hoyer cast himself as the pro-defense, pro-trade moderate. Pelosi promised to give the party a new face -- its first female whip.

Pelosi won.

And yet Hoyer realized the defeat wasn't as devastating as it might have been. "In comparison with losing a loved one, that loss is not nearly comparable."

Something was changing. Friends felt he'd become a better listener. His eldest daughter, Susan Taylor, says her father was "a little more interested in the human relation, not just the global relation." Hoyer began establishing "Judy Centers," fulfilling his wife's dream of creating one-stop facilities to offer poor families health, literacy and other services. Maryland now has 24 centers.

Hoyer finally rose to minority whip in 2002, when Pelosi moved up. But the "angst of ambition," he says, was easing.

"I suppose the fear of failure was not nearly as great," he says.

And then came the November 2006 earthquake that ousted the Republicans. Hoyer was the favorite to become majority leader. But Pelosi suddenly threw her support to Rep. John P. Murtha (D-Pa.).

This time, Hoyer won.

All those nights on the road paid off, for Hoyer and the party. In the 2006 campaign alone, Hoyer helped raise $8 million for Democrats and traveled to 33 states.

"I feel a sense of accomplishment," Hoyer says. But reaching the top meant something different than it once had.

Stage Presence

One recent Friday, Hoyer visited the Riderwood retirement community in Silver Spring. He strolled the stage with a microphone like a talk-show host, calling out to friends. The white-haired residents rose, clapping and cheering.

Hoyer turned somber when he spoke of the Democrats' plans to pass laws on homeland security, energy, the minimum wage. He emphasized that Pelosi sets the policy. "My job is to implement it."

Occasionally, he weaved in his own story. How he and Judy bought that first house in Friendly for $28,000. How he just became a great-grandfather.

These days, he told the crowd, "I live alone, with a wonderful woman named Charlotte."

She's a 15-year-old springer spaniel, he explained to laughter.

Though she's in failing health, he takes her everywhere. She was Judy's dog.

Staff writer Rosalind S. Helderman and staff researchers Magda Jean-Louis and Rena Kirsch contributed to this report.