The Cavemen Cometh, Followed by . . .
Turns out ABC is planning to give those sensitive cavemen from the Geico insurance commercials their own sitcom. If they survive pilot season, the lovable hirsute Neanderthals reportedly will "battle prejudice as they attempt to live as normal thirtysomethings in modern Atlanta." This got us thinking: Perhaps other commercial characters should pitch their own television projects.
"The Melting Pot" The M&M guys move to a gentrifying neighborhood and discover their candy coating isn't as tough as they think.
"My Coke's Warm" The Coca-Cola Polar Bears deal with domestic issues (rebellious preteen daughter, gifted but mouthy 6-year-old) against a backdrop of global warming.
"Miller Time" Burt Reynolds leads an unconventional private detective agency that exists solely to bring Man Law-breakers to justice.
"Spare Tires" Pillsbury Doughboy and Michelin Man are rivals vying to get fit and whittle down their super-pillowy selves in this limited-run series. Host: Kirstie Alley.
"Law & Order: BLT" Streetwise carb-cop Jared polices our fast-food nation, making the world safe for Subway's Honey Oat bread and breaking up Mickey-D's vast sodium ring. Public Enemy No. 1: the Hamburglar.
"American Bridle" Ponies compete in a neighing competition to become the next Budweiser draft horse. Judge: Simon Cow. Inevitable scandals include one contestant's racy stud-farm past.
"Snickers & Grace" Super Bowl's notorious smooching Snickers boys move in together at last, but disagree over their first extreme home makeover. Stereotypical "gay-character" humor ensues.
"Juan v. 100" Each week, burro-wrangling caffeine-cowboy Juan Valdez competes against the Mob for Starbucks stock options.
"Hee Hee Hee, That Really Tickles" The Snuggle Fabric Softener Bear co-hosts a series on animal testing with Paula Zahn.
"Gray-Hairs Anatomy" Mr. Whipple chides Palmolive Madge, the Maytag repairman and the Ty-D-Bol guy for squeezing . . . each other. McWrinkly is out of control!
"Perfect Strangers 2" Declining desktop computer profit margins force the PC guy and the Mac guy to move in together. And, back from obscurity as the Wacky Neighbor, the "Dude, You're Gettin' a Dell" guy.
-- Arts Staff