The Masculine Singular

Social Isolation Is Hazardous to Men's Health, but Many Find It Hard to Open Up

No, scientists still haven't found the gene that keeps men from asking for directions. But they have discovered that reaching out to other people is good for men's health.

Researchers at the Harvard School of Public Health who looked at more than 28,000 men over a period of 10 years found that those who were socially isolated were more likely than others to have died of all manner of illness, accidents and suicide.

This study and others show that men who lack strong social networks are at far greater risk of developing heart disease and that those who already have heart disease are more likely to die from it. And men who are not connected with other people run a higher risk of depression and other mental health problems.

So what is it about these social connections that's so key? For one thing, being close with other people may encourage you to do such things as eat regular nutritious meals, which can improve health. Friends and family members can also offer support in a time of need (e.g., getting you to the hospital in an emergency or helping you recuperate after surgery). And there's evidence that spending time with other people -- presumably people you like -- can reduce stress.

Men often think that their lives are complete if they are in close touch with their immediate family members -- or even just with their wives. But that's only part of the equation. "Different types of relationships provide different types of protection," says Eric Loucks, a McGill University professor who has studied these effects. "Social groups -- outside of the family -- provide different models of ways to live." Your wife or partner may not exercise, but if you spend time with other people who enjoy playing sports or working out, their good habits may rub off on you. Likewise, Loucks says, people who smoke and who are more socially connected, particularly to nonsmokers, have a greater chance of quitting.

Some men believe they have close friends, but these may merely be guys they can call on for a lift to the airport, not people who will offer support during a personal crisis. "Men are taught not to share vulnerabilities with other men -- that's one of the first rules of masculinity," says Michael Addis, a professor of psychology at Clark University in Worcester, Mass. It's also partly why they have trouble asking for professional help even when they're in serious emotional pain.

Know someone who needs help reaching out and making those important connections? Here are some ideas from the experts.

Join a group. But not a competitive one. Belonging to organized groups is a great way to expand your network "as long as they are not reinforcing traditional scripts," Addis says. Instead of (or in addition to) softball leagues and poker nights, he suggests, for example, book clubs or groups focused on the outdoors. They may give you opportunities for important one-on-one discussions about personal matters.

Take a chance."It takes a lot of courage to open yourself up to another guy," Addis says. The risk of rejection may feel overwhelming, and certainly you need to be careful in choosing someone to confide in. But if you can make the connection, he says, there's a "tremendous payoff: relief."