K Minus 15 Seconds: A Kiefer Khronology

By Amy Argetsinger and Roxanne Roberts
Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Sunday, March 11. The longest night of our lives.

5:44 p.m. Suddenly remember this is the day Kiefer Sutherland is scheduled to attend the closing of the D.C. Independent Film Festival.

6:50 p.m. Cabby insists on taking Connecticut up to UDC. Damn it, there's not enough time!

7:10 p.m. Get to the front of the line, only to learn media must check in at the tour bus for Rocco DeLuca and the Burden, an obscure blues-rock band promoted by Kiefer and the subject of tonight's documentary. Press contact nowhere to be found. Set up a perimeter, now!

7:16 p.m."I don't think Kiefer is here yet," says tour-bus guy. "In L.A. he liked to hang out on the bus. This is the first band he signed."

7:23 p.m. Kiefer is not doing interviews. Oh yeah, well, what if we kneecap him?

8:16 p.m. Finally in our seats. Endure long list of thank-yous to all the great volunteers who made the festival a success.

8:29 p.m. Uh-oh, now the festival prizes? Damn it, they're stalling! Is Kiefer really here? Mull reports of him drinking scotch at Nanny O'Brien's until 2 a.m. the night before.

8:44 p.m. Movie opens with Kiefer lounging on a bed, saying, "You have to go through something to find out why you did it." Woman behind us swoons: "Ah, that voice!"

9:01 p.m. Scene of Kiefer promoting DeLuca in an interview with the BBC. Hmmm . . . Has the promise of seeing Kiefer lured us into a trap -- a movie that turns out to be about how K uses his own star power to promote this band?

9:12 p.m. Scene of Kiefer, drunk, diving into a Christmas tree. Awesome.

9:50 p.m. Scene of Kiefer getting the song "I Trust You to Kill Me" tattooed on his arm in Icelandic runes. Must really love this band.

10:06 p.m. OMG, over by the exit sign, is that . . . ? Naah, never mind.

10:12 p.m. Kiefer walks onstage, black pants, untucked black shirt, black and purple tie. Not as tall as you expect. But his voice feels like burrowing your feet into a warm, sandy beach, like a purring cat lapping your hand. Everyone is happy now. He takes questions. Says one young woman: "I'm going to be in L.A. over the summer. Would you like to have a drink with me?" Kief laughs and says he'll be in Romania then. Damn it!

10:30 p.m. "I'd like to second that first girl's question," says another, "but given I'm 14 I don't think that's gonna work." Kiefer smiles: "You're very tall for 14."

This Retreat Was All About Moving Forward

Hear 'em roar! Billionaire Sheila Johnson invited three dozen powerchicks to her "I Am Powerful" retreat last weekend in Middleburg. The Mystics owner, along with CARE president Helene Gayle, brought together Donna Shalala, attorney Gloria Allred, gymnast Dominique Dawes, "Vagina Monologues" playwright Eve Ensler, journalist Charlayne Hunter-Gault and others to her Salamander Farm to brainstorm tactics for ending global poverty by empowering women.

Solutions? C'mon, they just started! We do hear that the ladies bonded, savored international cuisine and boogied to the band Zap Mama. Dress code: "farm casual." Said foreign correspondent Asra Nomani :"I wore my Timberland boots."

THIS JUST IN . . .

A former nanny to the children of Redskins owner Dan Snyder who is suing him and his wife claimed in Montgomery County Circuit Court yesterday that she was made to work 24-hour days with no sleep. But Tanya Snyder, in her testimony, said that Juliette Mendonca routinely overbilled her. Closing arguments in the case are scheduled for this morning, with a verdict possible today.

Does this sound familiar? Snoop Dogg was arrested and held overnight in Sweden on suspicion of using illegal narcotics. Stockholm police stopped a car that was taking the rapper from a concert to a party and found that he and a female friend seemed to be under the influence; police say they also found what seemed to be drugs in the car. Snoop faces a big old fine if the tests come back positive.

And in Sydney, Sylvester Stallone was charged with illegally importing 48 vials of human growth hormone into Australia, where he was promoting his latest "Rocky" flick.

George H.W. Bush was hospitalized Sunday after becoming dizzy and dehydrated while golfing in 94-degree heat near Palm Springs; according to some local media reports, the former prez fainted on the course. He was released yesterday, the hospital said.