The Show That Keeps Them Hanging On

Diana Ross turns "pronunciate" into a word, telling Gina Glocksen she has to "pronunciate everything" in the song "Love Child." Gina spends so much energy "pronunciating" she runs out of gas halfway through the song.

Sweet little Sanjaya Malakar, who earlier in the competition tried to win Abdul over by doing his hair like hers, this week hopes to wow Ross by doing his hair like hers. Sanjaya has very versatile hair. But he can't sing a lick, which he demonstrates with "Ain't No Mountain High Enough," sung while he timidly moves like a boy trying to step through a field of pet snails.

Judge Randy Jackson says he's really come to look forward to seeing what hairstyle Sanjaya will have. "Hair 'Idol' -- you got it jumpin' off!" Randy roars. Simon tells Sanjaya that "when you hear a whale in Beverly Hills, that's where Diana Ross is watching this show." Sanjaya says no offense, but he has no idea what he's talking about. Even Ryan wonders about the marine biology reference.

Haley Scarnato is, as usual, very bad, this time singing "Missing You."

Randy and Paula hate it, but Simon says he doesn't think it was that bad and she has "real presence up there," which we suspect means the dress the stylist had put her in shows off her "shoes" -- "Idol"-speak for cleavage. Then Haley does something that's never been done on "Idol" before. She says her performance was the worst, that "I messed up the words and I feel like such a schmuck." The crowd eats it up. The judges eat it up. We eat it up and now want her to stick around, at least until Simon starts being cruel to her again, which, now that Haley has learned the Power of the Shoes, may be never.

Phil Stacey plods his way through "I'm Gonna Make You Love Me," which has been slowed to a crawl. Randy calls it boring and Paula says to speed it up. But Simon says the tempo was just right.

Lakisha Jones, the best singer in the bunch, mesmerizes with "God Bless the Child," which she sings quietly.

Blake Lewis tries to beat-box the heck out of "You Keep Me Hangin' On." It doesn't work. The judges say so.

Stephanie Edward and Chris Richardson both chose Ross disco-era songs.

Why? wondered Simon, telling Stephanie, "you have a multitude of amazing Diana Ross songs and you chose ["Love Hangover"]?

And, finally, Jordin Sparks sings "If We Hold On Together," which sounds like a treacly Spielberg movie song. Oh wait -- it is. It's from the animated "The Land Before Time." Simon calls it "a bit gooey, that song," but compliments her performance.

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