The March of The Men Begins

In a world where screaming at briefcases can attract an average of more than 16 million loyal viewers each week, it was inevitable that some broadcast network was going to give the game of bingo the reality-series treatment.

"National Bingo Night" will debut on ABC in mid-May. The network announced yesterday it had ordered six episodes and they'll air from 9 to 10 p.m. on Fridays -- you know, bingo night.

ABC has promised it won't look like "Grandma's bingo," but more like "a slot machine on your television," trade paper Variety reports. Which I know is a big relief to you all, because if there's one thing we don't want in our houses, it's Grandma's bingo -- much better to have a slot machine.

During each game, one lucky contestant will race the studio audience as balls numbered from 1 to 75 are randomly selected, but not from some lousy cage-thing on a table -- oh no! -- from a 2 1/2 -story sphere set in a high-tech "Bingo Plex" arena! An ABC alternative programming exec told Variety that the sphere was "terrifyingly large." Hooray!

Members of the studio audience will track the numbers on their own bingo cards for a chance not only to win cash but also to send the lucky contestant home empty-handed. What's not to love?

But wait, there's more! In each game, you, the viewer at home, can print your own bingo card at ABC's Web site and mark off the numbers as they are called so as to experience not only the pure joy of the on-screen competition but also the "fun of playing bingo at home, free of charge, for an opportunity to cash in," ABC said in its announcement.

And Ed Sanders, of "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition" fame, has been signed to host.

This is so much better than "Men in Trees" -- the show ABC originally intended to fill the Friday time slot when this TV season started back in September.

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At first, when nominations for the 34th Annual Daytime Emmy Awards were announced on CBS's "The Early Show" yesterday morning, it appeared that Regis Philbin had been snubbed.

He and his such-a-fine-line-between-adorable-and-annoying co-host Kelly Ripa were not nominated for best talk show hosts, nor was their syndicated daytime talk show nominated for best in that class -- the first time in years Rege and his show were not represented.

Turns out the national TV academy had decided this year to create a new category, outstanding morning show, in which Rege's show could duke it out with NBC's "Today," ABC's "Good Morning America" and CBS's "The Early Show." But nominees in that category won't be announced until April, the academy says.

"The View" also could have entered into this race because Rosie O'Donnell and her minions talk about news -- you know, "American Idol," Donald Trump and stuff -- as well as other things, but they opted to compete in the talk-show category. (Rosie herself has won six Daytime Emmy Awards for her other syndicated talk show; her colleagues on "The View" have been nominated a total of nine times -- no wins. She's nominated again for best talk-show host, along with "View" co-hosts Joy Behar, Elisabeth Hasselbeck and Barbara Walters, in a crowded field that also includes Dr. Phil McGraw, Ellen DeGeneres, Rachael Ray, Lisa Rinna and Ty Treadway of "Soap Talk," and Tyra Banks.)

TV academy President Peter Price told trade papers that the new category was created because they felt morning shows are "multidimensional" hybrids of news and talk.

"There's so much talk and feature material on the morning shows that has never been recognized," he told the Associated Press. But lest you think this is the admission you'd been looking for that "Today, "GMA" and "Early Show" are not "news" programs, they are still eligible to compete in the TV academy's news and documentary Emmy race.