Week 705: Simile Outrageous

Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides gently compressed by a ThighMaster.

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

These two brilliantly awful similes head up a Web page titled "The 25 Funniest Analogies (Collected by High School English Teachers)," just one of a slew of similarly titled Internet sites providing the very same list. Of course, they are actually classic Style Invitational entries, by veteran and still-cranking-it-out Losers Sue Lin Chong (results of Week 310, 1999) and Chuck Smith (Week 120, 1995).

Let's give these Web people some more excellent material to rip off with nary an attribution: This week: Come up with funny analogies, perhaps with some 21st-century references. Winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. First runner-up gets The Wedding Slinger^TM, a little gun that shoots little hard plastic bride and groom figurines at the newlyweds as they emerge from the wedding. How heartwarming to be able to send Ashley and Jason off on their honeymoon with his-and-hers eye injuries!

Other runners-up win a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt. Honorable Mentions (or whatever they're called that week) get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Magnets. One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e-mail to losers@washpost.com or by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, March 26. Put "Week 705" in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published April 15. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. The Wedding Slinger was donated by Peter Metrinko of Chantilly. The Honorable Mentions title is by Chris Doyle of Ponder, Tex. The revised title for next week's contest is by Eric Murphy of Ann Arbor, Mich.

Report From Week 699 1/2

The second set of Losing entries from our contest to take a real word beginning with E, F, G or H and coin a new word by adding, subtracting or substituting a letter, or transposing any two letters. We printed the E- and, er, F-words Feb. 25; here are the G's and H's.

5. Gangst: 50 Cent's dread of turning into Tupac. (Ken Gallant, Little Rock)

4. Ahemorrhoid: An annoying person who points out flaws after it's too late to correct them. (Jay Shuck, Minneapolis)

3. Hovernment: Big Brother. (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village)

2. the winner of the magnetic Greek alphabet letters: Home Despot: Martha Stewart's new chain of decorating stores. (John Conti, Norfolk, Mass.)

And the Winner of the Inker

(Bob Staake For The Washington Post)

Sackenhack: A town in New Jersey founded by Vikings. (Barbara Turner, Takoma Park)