Get It All on Paper

· Housing (staying in the home or moving, and where).

· Finances (including investment strategies, long-term-care insurance and Medicaid eligibility).

· Managing property (setting up a trust, appointing a power of attorney or both).

· Making medical decisions (through a health-care proxy and an advanced directive).

· Distributing assets after death (through a will).

"Many people assume that if there's a crisis, their children will take care of it," said Charles Sabatino, director of the American Bar Association's Commission on Law and Aging. "They will say, 'I trust in God and my family.' It's a big mistake."

The issues are multiplying as fast as the population is aging, and families with long-term-care concerns tend to seek attorneys who specialize in elder law to navigate the growing complexity of incapacity.

"People keep finding out they don't know what they don't know," said Douglas Moore, who heads estate and charitable planning for Citigroup Trust.

One thing few people know is that institutions have wide discretion to reject financial powers of attorney, and standards vary from one state and one institution to the next. Some federal agencies accept only their own, customized forms. In Virginia, a financial agent can't sell a home unless the power of attorney specifies the legal description of the property, down to the page number of the deed in the county record book. In some states, a mere street address suffices. States are moving to develop national standards, but the process is expected to take years.