It's a Lock: How Can Sanjaya Lose With Hair Like That?

Gwen Stefani, who was supposed to be the second biggest thing to ever happen to "American Idol," behind Prince, was totally upstaged last night by Sanjaya Malakar's hair.

The hair, which, let's face it, already has won this edition of "Idol," gave its best performance to date, this time playing a ponyhawk -- seven ponytails in a row to look like a faux-hawk.

Sadly, the hair had neglected to send the Ponyhawk Week memo to Sanjaya himself, who thought it was On the Good Ship Lollipop Week. He sang a Stefani tune about wanting to wash in some chick's used bathwater because she's so naughty and hot, but he came across like a shy little child who didn't really understand the lyrics, while his ponyhawked hair flounced and strutted like a drag queen.

(Yes, we were told this week the Idolettes would all be singing "pop songs," which was later revised to "songs done by people who had a major impact on Gwen Stefani." Turns out the singer who's had the biggest impact on Stefani is Stefani -- three of the night's 10 songs were from her No Doubt days.)

Stefani had been enormously helpful coaching Sanjaya, telling the camera afterward how she feels for him because the song's too hard for him, adding philosophically, "and he chose it, so good luck to him tonight."

Judge Randy Jackson said he was once again left speechless by Sanjaya but added, "Come on, man," in re his singing.

Judge Paula Abdul, in an "American Idol" first, used the word "gumption," which we will now use in a sentence:

If, Sanjaya, you have the gumption to come out with your hair all done up like one of the Lipizzaner stallions, why did you sing like a frightened pony at the petting zoo?

"I presume there was no mirror in your dressing room?" judge Simon Cowell asked Sanjaya rhetorically.

"You're just jealous because you couldn't pull it off," Sanjaya snapped back -- it was the hair talking. And suddenly, we think we know which of the guy singers told the other Idolettes weeks ago he had this competition sewn up. Show host Ryan Seacrest did a "blind item" about it on his radio show back around the time Antonella Barba got booted from the competition, but he has yet to reveal which of the guys was that cocky.

Anyway, Simon, exasperated, told Sanjaya & Hair: "I don't think it matters anymore what we [the judges] say. I genuinely don't. You are in your own universe. If people like you, good luck."

"Well, thank you!" Sanjaya shot back.