Sigh. We're Missing Chris, but Sanjaya Is Still Hair

By Lisa de Moraes
Thursday, March 29, 2007

David Hasselhoff will not be reduced to tears again. Simon Cowell will never again be nicked for his Teletubbies work.

Yes, Chris Sligh and his lush locks are no more on "American Idol" -- Chris, who charmed us during the lousy auditions phase when he told the judges he wanted to compete in hopes of making Hasselhoff cry like he'd been caught on camera doing in the audience during last season's finale. Chris, who fought back when Simon dissed his performance with a snarky comment about Simon's time producing Teletubbies tunes.

We will miss Chris.

On the bright side, Haley Scarnato squeaked through -- she was runner-up to get booted -- so viewers will get to ogle her incredible legs, and maybe even some shoes, for another week.

And Sanjaya Malakar will get to do his hair up to look like a toupee in honor of next week's guest coach, the incomparable Tony Bennett. Sanjaya wasn't even in the bottom three. Remember, if he wins, judge Simon has vowed to quit.

"Idol" last night officially decided to embrace the Sanjaya. Show host Ryan Seacrest dressed in a wig done up to look like the ponyhawk Sanjaya sported on the program the previous night. "I've been Sanjaya-ed," Seacrest said. Sanjaya roared in his timid little way. Even Simon smiled his brilliant smile.

Having announced they must expand the 30-minute results show (starting two weeks from now) because there's just too much good stuff to be able to also fit in the Teary-Eyed Booted One's Swan Song, Fox managed last night to fit in Chris's repeat slaughter of the Police's "Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic."

But not until this week's guest coach, Gwen Stefani, sang "The Sweet Escape" with Akon.

At least she was singing. Akon mostly waved an arm back and forth; he didn't seem to notice his pants starting to fall down. Don't you love live television?

After her performance, Ryan asked about Stefani's tour. She prattled merrily about that and how happy she is.

Then, Ryan said they'd have to give the results of this week's viewer votes and see which Idolette was getting the hook. He looked at her, having given her her cue to erupt with comment about how talented the contestants all are and how great it was to mentor them. Instead, Stefani stared, speechless and confused because this information had absolutely nothing to do with her.

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