Week 707: What Would YOU Do?
Sunday, April 1, 2007; Page D02
Oh, put that little thing away.
You will not hook up here today.
This year marks the 50th anniversary of one of the most brilliant examples of literary minimalism: "The Cat in the Hat," Dr. Seuss's masterpiece of anarchy, subversiveness and sloshing goldfish, all created in perfect English syntax with a vocabulary of just 236 words, including plurals -- the vast majority of them exceedingly simple one-syllable words. This week: Use only the words appearing in "The Cat in the Hat" (see the list) to create your own work of "literature" of no more than 75 words (though a much shorter entry is quite welcome): It can be in verse, like Kevin Dopart's example above; it can be a narrative or dialogue; it may sound Seussian or not. You must use the words exactly in the form on the list, except that you may combine them into compound words, and you may use any capitalization and punctuation you like.
  (Bob Staake For The Washington Post) |
Winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. First runner-up receives a 2-foot-long bright red sign that says "Naked," salvaged by Tim Vanderlee of Austin from a supermarket display advertising this brand of juice. This is definitely what every Loser ought to hang from the ceiling above his office cubicle.
Other runners-up win a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt. Honorable Mentions (or whatever they're called that week) get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Magnets. One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e-mail to losers@washpost.com or by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, April 9. Put "Week 707" in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published April 29. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. This week's Honorable Mentions name is by Kevin Dopart Next week's revised title is by Pete Morelewicz of Washington
Report From Week 703
in which we asked you for a "barter" posting like those on Craigslist, but funny. Oh, well. It doesn't happen very often, in our exalted opinion, but this is one of those rare Invitational contests that just went pbbbffft. Even the most reliably clever Losers couldn't do much with this one, producing not the usual astonishing strings of guffaw-producers but only a heh or two. Fortunately, the previous contest, Week 702, generated more kooky "Unreal Facts" than we had room for. So we'll share some more Honorable Mentions this week, below the smattering of worthies from Week 703.
4. Offering: customized vocabulary-building lessons. In trade for: one of those whatchamacallits with the big thingy on the side. (Russell Beland, Springfield)
3. A third-round draft pick for a 33-year-old dead-arm quarterback with a seven-year, $43 million contract and an $8.6 million signing bonus. Yeah, right, like anyone would take me up on that one. (Roy Ashley, Washington)
2. the winner of the bizarre alleged medical remedy from Oman: Adder's fork, blind-worm's sting, lizard's leg and howlet's wing for eye of Newt. Complete potion available in exchange for whole head. -- H.R.C., New York (Kevin Dopart, Washington)
And the Winner of the Inker
Golf clubs for tennis racket: Decided it would be less painful if I beat myself in the head with the racket. (Rick Haynes, Potomac)
Trading Down
Looking for tough, durable electric nose-hair trimmer. Will trade theater tickets plus unopened carton of condoms. (Jeff Brechlin, Eagan, Minn.)
Late adopter seeks to trade box of 8-track tapes for pack of floppy disks. Please respond by mail to . . . (Sue Lin Chong, Baltimore)
Certain Korean nuclear arms control concessions for hand in marriage of Angelina Jolie (must wear flats). -- K.I.S., Pyongyang (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)
