By Lisa de Moraes
Tuesday, April 3, 2007; C07
You snubbed Aaron Sorkin's civics lesson masquerading as a late-night comedy show.
You ignored Paul Haggis's "Sopranos" wannabe masquerading as a drama about hot Irish mob brothers.
And now, you're going to get exactly what you deserve Mondays at 10 p.m.: an NBC reality series about fake wedding crashings.
"The Real Wedding Crashers," NBC says in its news release -- actually it screams it in all caps -- "is from THE STUDIO BEHIND THE SMASH COMEDY 'WEDDING CRASHERS,' " as well as "Punk'd" producers Ashton Kutcher and Jason Goldberg.
It will debut on Monday, April 23, following what one trade paper calls "the premiere episode of the third installment of the first season of the net's smash 'Heroes.' "
Yes, it's come to that. When a network deigns to put on an original episode of one of its new shows, it's now heralded as "the premiere episode of the third installment of the first season" of a smash hit.
And, yesterday's announcement came just days after NBC Entertainment chief Kevin Reilly stood in front of advertisers and invoked the name of former NBC great Grant Tinker, promising NBC would once again live by that former CEO's motto: First be best, then be first.
NBC has ordered six one-hour episodes of what it swears will be an "outrageous" show in which five "quick-thinking, hilarious" improv performers (thank goodness they didn't hire the slow-thinking, morbid improv performers) pose as wedding staff and guests, with the knowledge of the bride and groom, to save their wedding vows from being an exercise in "run-of-the-mill boredom."
At the end of each show, viewers will be "treated to a huge reveal when the 'crashers' admit to their pranks."
All this hilarity is somber news for the producers of "Black Donnellys." It's being yanked after its eighth broadcast on Monday nights; only twice with the advantage a lead-in by "the net's smash 'Heroes.' " Last week, "Donnellys" clocked about 5.4 million viewers following a "Deal or No Deal" episode that had averaged more than 12 million.
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The woman admired by millions for announcing that life was not worth living in a world in which Sanjaya Malakar is crowned "American Idol" has not only tossed in the towel on her hunger strike after a mere 16 days, she's also sold out to an online dating service for fitness nuts.
"J," as she's known on her MySpace page and on YouTube, was seen in her latest YouTube video on the floor, in the dark, in front of her desk, on which sits her computer, on which, while she speaks, flashes a bright red ad for online dating service Fitness Singles:
Hi. This is J. It has been 16 days since I've started my hunger strike. I regret to inform you I went to the doctor the other day and he advised me against continuing this hunger strike. I, for medical reasons, am going to discontinue the strike.
She promised to continue to vote for "Idol" singers other than Sanjaya -- small comfort for those of us expecting to get to watch her waste away to nothing in the name of Fox reality series integrity.
If you joined me in the hunger strike, I strongly encourage you not to continue this as well. It can be very bad for you -- can end badly.
On the bright side, J notes, Matt, her one -- and only -- disciple (though there is a guy who's trying to launch a "Slim Fast for Sanjaya" movement), is ignoring her advice and will continue his hunger strike "so you can follow him on YouTube."
Fitness Singles is, by its own account, the fastest-growing online dating community for sports and fitness enthusiasts. What they're doing advertising on a YouTube posting of a woman who intended to starve herself over a TV show contestant beats us.
"Don't wait!" Fitness Singles urges us. "Search our personals of active singles in your area and post your own profile for FREE!"
But while a search of their "areas" included circus aerials, cricket, orienteering and table tennis, there is no entry under "obsessive television viewing" or starvation. Which would have been so perfect for J.