Harper's Bizarre But GQ Banal

"Scientists figured out how to genetically alter mosquitos so that their gonads glow in the dark," Findings reported in December.

"Scientists were trying to develop bathroom fixtures that clean themselves," Findings noted last April.

"Researchers in Michigan devised a robot hand that can perform breast exams," Findings reported in 2005.

What's with these scientists? Are they warped, or what? Maybe somebody should study them.

If somebody does, the findings will no doubt appear in Findings. Keep an eye out.

BlackBerry Small Talk

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Magazine journalism marches on into the brave new world of electronic communication. For GQ's special "Love, Sex and Madness" issue, writer Marshall Sella conducted an interview with bad girl actress Lindsay Lohan -- entirely via BlackBerry messages!!

"Because that's how the kids are communicating these days," Sella writes in an introduction. And, he adds, Lohan is "an icon of her generation."

How did this high-tech experiment work out? Not so good. It turns out that Lohan's BlackBerry text messages are about as banal as anybody else's text messages.

"Here now wearing marc jacobs pumps and a kate and kass dress, vintage chanel messenger and topshop tights and peace sign earrings from kaviar and kind," she writes.

Sella gets that message and fires one back asking Lohan if she plays poker.

"Weird! I just e-mailed my friend sara pantera saying I'm going to start playing poker again! I bought two puppies today! Sober impulse buying of companions who will help me stay home etc," Lohan replies.

Sella sends back a message endorsing dogs and asking if Lohan likes cats.