C'mon, Gina, Find a Way to Turn That Frown Upside Down!

Tony Bennett is too ill to perform so his plugging plans don't pan out, Michael Bublé steps in to sing but his new CD won't be out for a month so he'll get no sales bump whatsoever, and Sanjaya Malakar has cut his hair, sending millions of little girls and their mothers into hysterics.

This is the saddest "American Idol" results show ever.

Oh yeah, and Gina Glocksen is out. Rocker Goth Chick sings a Charlie Chaplin ballad -- she's got it coming to her, I say.

On a brighter note, Kermit the Frog makes a guest appearance hawking Ford's hybrid SUV during the Ford Music Video. Too bad they didn't have him fill in for Bennett, singing "Call Me Irresponsible." Surely Kermit has something to plug besides Ford vehicles. Did I mention Ford has expanded its "Idol" product-placement campaign and I now get a buck for every time I work "Ford" into my "American Idol" columns? Ford, Ford, Ford, Ford, Ford.

This week, to shake things up, instead of having the Idolettes sitting in the Tractor Seats of Safety Sponsored by Ford while show host Ryan Seacrest tortures them with his "You sang . . ." blather, they are already standing onstage in groups of three.

The first: Blake Lewis, Chris Richardson and Sanjaya.

The second: Haley Scarnato!, Phil Stacey and Gina.

The third: LaKisha Jones, Jordin Sparks and Melinda Doolittle.

Can you guess which group received the most votes from viewers?

After hours of commercials for Ford and non-Ford products, Ryan sends LaKisha, Jordin and Melinda back to the Tractor Seats of Safety Sponsored by Ford.

Then the BlakeChrisSanjaya group is told to sit down. That leaves HaleyPhilGina in the Bottom Three. Holy Ford!

Then Bublé sings and tells kiddies to steal their parents' credit cards to pre-order his new album. Seriously, he does.