Generous Gestures
We make it, they take it; I'm tired of that system. Of course, I speak of Uncle Sam and Ticketmaster. Well, Couch Slouch is now channeling Howard Beale -- I'm taxed as hell and I'm not going to give it anymore.
No more federal tariffs, no more convenience charges. The games will go on without me. As for the IRS, from here on in I'm taxing myself -- I'll take the money out and put it aside, and when I see a pothole in the road or a U.S. senator who looks a bit thin, I'll pay up.
Monday MorningA look back at the weekend and a look ahead at the coming week's action with a fresh new edge.  Norman Chad's Couch Slouch: Time for a rant against both the FedEx Cup and its most notable absentee -- Tiger Woods. The Chat: Michael Baisden, an author and the host of a nationally syndicated radio show, calls the outrage over dogfighting "hypocritical." The Starting Lineup: For the final edition of this feature, a look back at some of the funniest lines. THE QUOTE"I think it was out of ignorance — and by ignorance, I mean lack of knowledge." -- Notre Dame Coach Charlie Weis, on 19-year-old QB Jimmy Clausen's citation for transporting alcohol. In Indiana, it is against the law for a minor to drive a person of legal age to buy liquor. |
Alas, I realize the rest of you might still have tax-and-ticket needs, so this week we present an expanded $1.25 Ask The Slouch Cash Giveaway!
Q. If NBA players -- the so-called greatest athletes in the world -- have a hard time playing back-to-back games that consist of 96 minutes, why does my boss insist I work back-to-back days that consist of 16 hours? (David Sidoti; Sandusky, Ohio)
A. Listen, pal, NBA players have a backbreaking travel schedule, they don't get a one-hour lunch break at midgame and they can't fool around on their PlayStation 2 until after their shift ends. Plus when's the last time you got served with a paternity suit on your day off?
Q. Doesn't baseball commissioner Bud Selig's annual salary of $14.5 million strike you as a tad high? (James Dunn; Albany, N.Y.)
A. Heck, Sprint Nextel chief executive Gary Forsee earned $30 million in 2005 , and I can't even get a signal from my Sprint cellphone unless I'm standing in the Sprint parking lot.
Q. With NFL commissioner Roger Goodell coming down hard on Pacman Jones and Chris Henry for "conduct detrimental to the NFL," how long a suspension do you think he will give the Arizona Cardinals? (Bruce Hasch; Nederland, Tex.)
A. You're poking fun at my beloved Team of Destiny? I have no choice but to suspend you indefinitely for "conduct detrimental to the column."
Q. Would cable TV be dead air from midnight to 6 a.m. if it weren't for "Girls Gone Wild" commercials? (Don Cawley; Shaker Heights, Ohio)
A. Frankly, the characters on "Girls Gone Wild" are more complex and layered than on, say, "Two and a Half Men."
Q. In the history of sports business, can you think of any management decision stupider than that of the PGA awarding tournament television rights to the Golf Channel, whereby reducing viewership while at the same time minimizing opportunity for growth? As a follow-up, could you compare this decision to any of yours in the matrimonial arena? (Dave Rippel; California, Md.)
