Question Celebrity

Over lunch a few weeks ago, my friend Eric let me in on his own special way of regarding celebrities, and it's simple: Do they "smell"? Despite a lifelong fascination with the celebrity mind-set, Eric at some point began to judge celebrities -- without facts -- on whether they seem like the sort of people who would smell. His teenage daughter has gotten in on the game, too, to the point that they can be watching TV together or see a picture in the paper, and she will turn to him and say, "Smells," about the celeb in question, and he will agree or disagree. Brad Pitt "smells," father and daughter concur. (You just know, they say.) Angelina Jolie smells, too. The whole family, Eric notes, has crowned Matthew McConaughey as the King of Smell. Britney Spears smells, and it almost goes without saying that Fed-Ex smells, too. (But does Justin Timberlake? Discuss.) "Smell," you see, turns out to be a very broad diagnosis -- not just covering body odor but also triggering that instinct within us that a person just ain't right, possessing some combination of qualities that are perennially outre, off, tragic, dirty, weird, ill-mannered. I have to admit I like the concept. My own time in the presence of celebrities -- at junket interviews or while covering parties and awards shows -- was never brutal, odiferous-wise. In fact, sometimes they smell quite good. About the only thing I remember from spending an hour interviewing Will Smith a few years ago was how good he smelled.

Eric continued to school me on the concept, starting off with the easy ones: Anna Nicole Smith smelled, as do all of the men claiming to be the father of her baby. You can also make a fast diagnosis of top celebutantes -- Paris, Nicole, Lindsay and their patron saint, Pamela Anderson, as well as her choice in men (Tommy Lee, Kid Rock). Katie Holmes smells, but Eric thinks Nicole Kidman doesn't. (I think she does.) Madonna smells, but Gwen Stefani doesn't. Johnny Depp smells. Paula Abdul smells.

Who doesn't smell? George Clooney. Sarah Jessica Parker. Clint Eastwood. Reese Witherspoon. (Ryan Phillippe? Smells.) Oprah doesn't smell.

Cameron Diaz? I say "smells," but Eric still wonders -- and he thinks Jennifer Lopez doesn't smell, even if some would suspect she would. Jennifer Garner doesn't smell, but Ben Affleck does. Halle Berry doesn't smell; Kate Hudson does. A trio of lovely U.K. women (Cate Blanchett, Rachel Weisz, Kate Winslet) do not smell, but Jude Law, Hugh Grant, Colin Farrell? All smell. It's a highly subjective game, rooted in flimsy conjecture instead of fact. All I know is, the next time I have to walk across a crowded room of celebrities, I'm going to lead with my nose.

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