Tressed for Success, Sanjaya Makes the Media Rounds

By Lisa de Moraes
Tuesday, April 24, 2007

This Day in Sanjaya:

Sanjaya Malakar and His Pettable Hair, fresh off their triumphant stealing of the show at the White House Correspondents' Association dinner, continued to dazzle on the talk show circuit yesterday, the Fifth Day of the Rest of His Life After "American Idol."

On "Live With Regis and Kelly" Sanjaya battled Kelly Ripa for control of the spotlight.

First, he reprised the performance of "Bésame Mucho" that "American Idol" judge Simon Cowell had declared "wasn't horrible" during Sanjaya's inexplicably long, cheesetastic run on the Fox singing competition.

Then, Kelly came out with her hair done up to sort of look like his.

"I'm trying to do my Sanjaya best," she cooed.

"It almost looks better on her than me," Sanjaya said. (Note: "almost.")

"You have the best hair in the business," Kelly said -- the only comment she uttered that did not have "I" in it.

(Mostly, a Kelly "interview" of an "American Idol" It Boy goes like this: Did the judges' words hurt you -- did your feelings ever get hurt? . . . People forget you're 17 years old and if I was 17, I would be reduced to tears. I usually am anyway, and we all know that I'm 27!)

Undaunted, Sanjaya confided to Bryant Gumbel, who was filling in for Regis Philbin, that he's now so famous he can't even walk without getting mobbed by paparazzi and fans who want to give him hugs and get his autograph. Fans like, you know, New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer who, Sanjaya said, came up to him at the correspondents' dinner last weekend and said, "I'm a fan -- I vote."

Ha! Try topping that, Kelly!

"It's really weird -- I mean, I'm just Sanjaya from Seattle," said the guy who just a couple of weeks ago was welcoming Cowell to "The Universe of Sanjaya."

About his plans, Sanjaya told Gumbel: "I want to continue music and do modeling -- and acting. . . . What I want to do is experience the whole entertainment business because, I mean, I'm not just a musician -- I'm an entertainer."

Then, to drive home the point, he demonstrated his talent for independently raising the corners of his upper lip.

Yes, Sanjaya can sneer at you from his left and his right side.

"I think that's kind of cool. I'm going to practice that," Kelly said, weakly.

"Regis and Kelly" opened with a tape of that horrible moment last week when Sanjaya got the boot from "Idol."

"It's just like the worst feeling in the world," Kelly gushed. "Your heart gets torn out of your body -- and I'm not even involved."

"Spoken like an actress," Gumbel said.

You can tell Gumbel is really enjoying this gig.

* * *

Later, Sanjaya appeared on David Letterman's CBS late-night show to read the night's Top 10 list and be the butt of Letterman's jokes.

"I'll just say one thing," Letterman said. "I'm a big supporter of the show [because] the U.S. is feeling a serious superstar shortage" and "American Idol," he sneered, is "the only way to replenish this treasure trove."

He then introduced "the latest 'American Idol' castoff."

The list of "Things I Learned From 'American Idol' " sounded like it was Sanjaya's but was actually written by Letterman's people. Kind of like Katie Couric's blog for CBS News's Web site.

Anyway, the list, which appeared to have been written by people who don't watch "Idol," went like this:

10. The camera adds 10 pounds to your mohawk. [Sanjaya famously sported a ponyhawk, not a mohawk, on the singing competition one week.]

9. Work hard and make sacrifices, you can finish in seventh place.

8. It's very important to "Keep it real, dawg."

7. I should have gone for the immunity idol -- oh wait, that's "Survivor."

6. On camera, Simon is a bit nasty, but off camera he's a total jerk.

5. Voting for yourself 100 times an hour causes some wicked carpal tunnel.

4. When you forget the words, just do this.

[Sanjaya then riffed "Ooohhhhh hooo hooo, yes, it did."

["We have found ourselves a new superstar!" Letterman's chief flunky/musician, Paul Shaffer, said, like he meant it to sting.]

3. Honestly, I thought I was auditioning for "Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?"

2. Nothing.

1. America loves performers with bad hair -- right, Dave?

Notice how they made the No. 1 item all about Dave? Kelly Ripa could learn a thing or two from Letterman's writers.

"Seems like a nice kid -- know what I'm saying?" Letterman said after Sanjaya left the stage. Shaffer said he'd love to hear the "Ooohhhh hooo" thing again.

"Get him out here!" Letterman said. When Sanjaya reappeared, Shaffer asked where he got the "Ooohhhh hooo" thing.

"My very own song," Sanjaya said. At their request he sang it again and left again.

"He seems a little too comfortable here. Two times he didn't want to leave!" said Letterman, the guy who had dragged Sanjaya back.

"Where's he got to go?" Shaffer sniffed.

* * *

Sanjaya's exhausting day included a visit to Nickelodeon's MeTV block of programming, where he was interviewed by Alexandra Gizela:

Alex: What does your name mean?

Sanjaya: Spiritual psychic.

Alex: Pet peeve?

Sanjaya: Haters.

Alex: Good one! Hidden talent?

Sanjaya: I can independently raise both corners of my upper lip.[Ha! We already knew that from Bryant Gumbel's interview.]

Alex: Languages you speak?

Sanjaya: English and I wish I spoke every other language in the world.

Alex: Me, too! Favorite school subject?

Sanjaya: Math.

Alex: Math, wow!

And at the end of his appearance on Nick, they slimed him.

* * *

And finally, the online analysts at Arlington-based New Media Strategies reported yesterday that the impersonations of mostly dead people delivered by Rich Little -- who we also thought was dead -- at the correspondents' dinner had enjoyed 4,600 views on YouTube -- but Sanjaya's red-carpet arrival at the prom for politicians and news talent copped 7,000 views.