Wrinkle-Free Motherhood?
When parenting takes its toll, is Botox the answer?

by Jill Hudson Neal
Special to washingtonpost.com
Wednesday, April 25, 2007 2:53 PM

A few weeks ago, I met a girlfriend for quick cocktail and got my first glance at her freshly Botoxed forehead. A 37-year-old working mother with three children under the age of six, she'd never considered Botox until a mutual friend offered it as a birthday present -- a one-time treatment at a very upscale all-inclusive day spa and an offer too generous to pass up. Under the hotel bar's soft, flattering light, my friend appeared rested and healthy, and -- clich? alert -- nearly 10 years younger. Post-Botox, her spirits are ferris wheel-high due to compliments from her husband, friends and business associates, all of whom have taken notice of her newly acquired Jennifer Lopez-worthy glow. Her experience has made her a convert, a total believer, a bona fide member of the Botoxed Mom Club, if there is such a thing. She's now counting the weeks until her next shot of "Vitamin B."

It could have been the wine talking, but I swear I could actually detect a real difference on her face -- and it wasn't just the smooth, wrinkle-free brow framed by newly highlighted hair and soft, flattering make-up. It's not that there were plenty of wrinkles on her face too begin with, but it seemed some of the exhaustion that parks itself around the eyes and between the eyebrows of so many mothers -- especially those with small kids -- had been wiped out.

It got me thinking: If you feel 28 but look 42 (as so many of us do), what's the harm in keeping your syringe-wielding dermatologist on speed dial? Sure, Botox is pricey ($300 to $600 per shot) and carries certain health risks (it is made from botulinum toxin, after all) -- but is that a small price to pay to look younger and more energetic? Could Botox be a hip mom's secret weapon?

Before I had children, I never thought about Botox (and other injectibles like Restylane) or plastic surgery, assuming it was only for movie stars and the idle rich. Don't get me wrong: I'm open to the idea of going under the knife if middle age brings on a bad case of jowls, turkey neck or hemorrhoid eyes, and if I happen to have tens of thousands of extra dollars for a visit to "Dr. 90210." But maybe Botox is the stop-gap drug and can buy a few more years before a forehead lift or an eye job. The last few years have seen Botox become completely mainstream, accessible and inexpensive enough that it's now seen by some as another bit of mandatory grooming maintenance. With more than 4.5 million treatments administered in the United States last year (according to plastic surgery associations), Botox is now as socially acceptable as teeth bleaching, eyebrow waxing, facials and hair coloring.

I called Felicia Milewicz, beauty director of Glamour magazine, to get her take on the Botox explosion, how women feel about aging and what can (or should) be done to keep the wrinkles at bay. Whether you're pro-Botox or anti-Botox, Milewicz says, there's no getting around the fact that America has become obsessed with youth culture and fascinated by celebrities and other famous faces that "look perfect. It becomes a kind of drug, to go for this ideal of perfection where nothing moves and no one ages at all.

"We're also in a culture of extremes, where it's too much or not at all," Milewicz says. "You're either an anorexic or you're obese. You exercise too much or do nothing physical at all. The lesson in Botox should be about learning how to live in balance. Can you get a bit of Botox now and then and be happy with it, or do you over do it and look plastic?"

Mothers -- especially ones with young children -- are prone to mistake signs of premature aging with the expected physical wear and tear of parenthood. "We talk to doctors, nutritionists and other experts who recommend first trying to eat a healthier diet, getting a good night's sleep or a massage, or getting rid of stress before committing to Botox or even plastic surgery," Milewicz says. "Mothers often mistake wrinkles for tiredness -- or for not taking better care of their skin. They feel young inside, but they look in the mirror and freak out. Now very young women, they see a wrinkle and they say, 'I want to stop aging NOW!'"

Botox tends to work best for women who don't mind or can bear the expense, don't fear the pain of the injections or feel confident that those who administer the shots are board-certified and well trained, Milewicz says. For those who can't be bothered? "Start taking care of your skin and have patience. We test a lot of creams that are sold at the retail level and there are many, products on the market now that can make a big difference for the average woman. If you haven't already started, sun protection is a must. And eat well -- very important. The skin reveals everything about your diet and it doesn't lie.

"And I don't want to sound like a preacher, but I think that happiness is so important," Milewicz concludes. "It all goes back to ways inside. You can have plumped up lips and a wrinkle-free face and still be unhappy -- and that will show. Learning to look in the mirror and liking what you see -- that's maybe what Botox can never give you. You have to find that yourself."