By Lisa de Moraes
Saturday, April 28, 2007

I'm going to get on a plane. . . . So you'd better be ready Friday the 20th to meet with me. So I'm going to let you know just how I feel about what a rude little pig you really are. You are a rude, thoughtless little pig, okay?

Alec Baldwin made his first stop on the Stations of the Apology yesterday, appearing on ABC's "The View" to make sure you know that in the little matter of the You Are a Rude Little Pig voice mail he left for his 11-year-old daughter, the real victim here is Alec Baldwin.

He's learned several things from the experience, the "30 Rock" star told "View" hosts Rosie O'Donnell and Babs Walters, who were seated at either side of him.

"One is that my deep, deep, deep and seemingly endless frustration about this situation . . . led me to end up saying something to someone that I really meant to say to someone else."

"There's nothing wrong with being angry," Baldwin continued. "It's the way you do it. . . . I took it out on the wrong person because I'm unable under the current dynamic to address the other person."

Translation: I'm a victim of the "current dynamic."

Baldwin found himself in hot water when the phone message he'd left two weeks ago for daughter Ireland wound up on the Web site TMZ. He has accused his ex-wife and Ireland's mother, Kim Basinger, of leaking the voice mail.

"Another thing that I learned . . . how many people out there that communicate with you through the Internet . . . feel themselves to be abused by a parent," Baldwin told Rosie and Babs.

"In my own case, I had never done that before in my life. I had yelled at my daughter to say, 'Watch out, you might get hit by a car on Central Park West!' or "Get out of the riptide of the ocean!' But I had never done this before in my life."

Translation: I am being unfairly tarred and feathered by people who are merely projecting their hatred of their own parents.

Baldwin's ex, btw, has alleged there have been several other "rage" episodes involving his daughter; he has denied that.

You have insulted me. You don't have the brains or the decency as a human being. I don't give a damn that you're 12 years old, or 11 years old, or that you're a child, or that your mother is a thoughtless pain in the [expletive] who doesn't care about what you do as far as I'm concerned. You have humiliated me for the last time with this phone.

It goes without saying that in this dustup, Baldwin is a victim of the tabloids.

"Everybody who works in the tabloid media are people filled with self-hatred and shame, and the way they manage those feelings is that they destroy the lives of other people and reveal your secrets," he told Rosie, whose knee he petted several times during the interview.

Then, of course, he's also a victim of Basinger, who he says is responsible for the leak.

"My friends, my close friends, and my family and my colleagues -- they all know what's been done to me," he confided.

At one point, Rosie sympathetically noted that the message "was really never supposed to be leaked; it was a private conversation between you, the message machine, and your daughter."

Which is why it seemed so odd that Rosie forgot to stop Baldwin when he proceeded to relate to her national audience a private conversation he says he had with his daughter about Basinger. It went like this:

"I was rubbing her hair, waking her up, and she laughed at me and I go, 'What's so funny?' She said, 'The way you wake me up in the morning where you rub my hair and [ask] what do I want for breakfast?' She goes, 'It's so funny to me.' I go, 'Why?' She says, 'Because my mom opens the door and says, "Get the hell out of bed right now -- we're late!" ' When women do a certain thing, it's perceived one way. When men do it, it's perceived another way."

Which brings us to Reason No. Whateverwe'reupto why Alec Baldwin is a Victim: He was born about 50 years too late.

"Things have changed so much since I was a child, and things like this would happen, and a woman might go and have lunch with her friends or go see her family, or she might go to the country club or to a group she was involved with and tell people what she was feeling about what was going on, and share with them," the 49-year-old actor said sadly.

"Now, in the world we live in, as you know, a person presses one button and the whole world knows that's happened to you."

I'll give you a minute to read that over again, paying particular attention to the women-used-to-go-to-the-country-club bit. Good stuff.

You've made me feel like a fool over and over and over again. And this [expletive] you pull on me with this [expletive] phone situation that you would never dream of doing to your mother and you do it to me constantly. . . . I am going to get on a plane and I am going to come out there for the day and I am going to straighten your [expletive] out when I see you.

And finally, it turns out Baldwin is also a victim of NBC.

"I don't want ['30 Rock'] to get hurt," he told Rosie and Babs in the interview, taped earlier this week.

"In our business, as you both know, when you do a program like that, or a film, there are 250 or 300 people who go to work every day on this show . . . and I don't want those people to be negatively impacted and for them to be hurt by this situation. So I've asked NBC to let me out of my contract and let me leave."

Instead of starring on one of the few bright spots on NBC's prime-time landscape, Baldwin said, "I would like to take a specific piece of my life, whether it's three years or five years -- it doesn't matter -- and devote myself . . . to the cause of parental alienation."

Now, Baldwin has a point here. We've all seen how the tawdry antics and ugly divorce of Charlie Sheen impacted ratings on CBS's "Two and a Half Men," turning the once No. 1-rated sitcom on television into the No. 1-rated sitcom on television. If only Sheen had thought of the little people toiling ceaselessly on this series and left.

Sadly, Baldwin, who is the star of "30 Rock," had not realized his devotion to the cause of parental alienation the other day when he signed a contract to do another season of the series, which NBC subsequently announced had received an early second-season pickup.

Also sad, NBC does not seem to share his devotion to the cause of parental alienation. The network issued a statement that goes like this:

"Alec Baldwin remains an important part of '30 Rock.' We look forward to having him continue his role in the show."