Stone Cold Steve's Hollywood Toehold

FORT WORTH -- Through the infield swarm at the Texas Motor Speedway, there strides a slab of man with gorilla arms and a shaved head shaped like a battering ram. The crowds of NASCAR fans part and go "aaaaah" and then spring back, begging for autographs, mewling for photos with the honorary grand marshal for the race. Fully grown adults are punching numbers into their cellphones. "Honey, you'll never believe who I'm standing right next to." Giddy. "It's Stone Cold Steve Austin!"

Don't know who Stone Cold Steve Austin is? Then hit yourself over the head with a folding metal chair, because during his long and wild reign, The Texas Rattlesnake (a.k.a. The Bionic Redneck) was King of the Ring, and one of the most popular, most dangerous, most rebellious superstars -- as both hero and heel -- in the world of professional wrestling.

Behold! Three-time winner of the Royal Rumble. (See him drink beer in the ring while fighting!) Four-time topper of the World Tag Team Championship. (See him deliver double whuppings!) Six-time victor of the World Wrestling Entertainment Championship. Three times at Wrestlemania, which is the Oscars for those who specialize in the spine buster, the pile driver and -- watch out!-- the cobra clutch.

And now, prepare yourselves, because Hollywood wants to make Stone Cold Steve a movie star. It just may be his toughest bout yet.

Surprised? The people who run WWE Films (a new division of WWE Inc.) have two words for you: The Rock -- if Dwayne Johnson can carry a movie, so can his former rival Stone Cold. (They also mention a certain monosyllabic Austrian bodybuilder who became a global box office sensation and California governor, so go figure).

"The Condemned" opened nationwide Friday, and the $20 million movie was written, designed and financed by WWE Films as a vehicle for Austin. The premise: A reality TV producer purchases 10 of the worst murderous rapist terrorist scum convicts on Earth, drops them onto a deserted island, where the damned are ordered to fight to the finish, and the lone winner is promised his (or her) freedom and some wonderful prizes, including a passport and cash. Of course, the island is rigged with cameras and the death match will stream live over the Internet for the low, low pay-per-view price of $49.95. So . . . it's a think piece.

The R-rated movie is incredibly violent, including the equal opportunity machine-gunning of attractive young women. Austin plays (relative) good guy Jack Conrad, a U.S. Special Forces black-ops type, who has been abandoned by his own government to rot as an innocent man in a dungeon in El Salvador. Jack is a man of few words. "Let's dance, sweetheart" would be a long speech. Austin's thespian method is more rooted in Ooogg! Gurgle! Neck snap!

"I think he's going to be a huge star," says Scott Wiper, the writer and director of "The Condemned," who bases his opinion in part on the film's reception when it screened recently for 5,000 wrestling fans at the Fox Theatre in Detroit. "They went ballistic."

The WWE has high hopes for Austin, whose acting résumé outside the ring includes a turn as a prison guard alongside Adam Sandler in "The Longest Yard" and the recurring character of Detective Jake Cage on the old TV show "Nash Bridges."

"Where are the new action heroes?" asks Joel Simon, president of WWE Films. "Where's the new Sylvester Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Bruce Willis?"

Austin reminds Simon of "the young Steve McQueen, the young Clint Eastwood, the young Lee Marvin and young Charles Bronson," though not all at once, of course. Austin is actually 42 and his body bears the insults and injuries of 14 years of broncobusters and flying clotheslines. (Austin retired from the fight game in 2003, although he continues to make appearances at events tied to wrestling, which remains highly popular with millions of fans and viewers).

Is the film any good? Nope, according to critics. "A real stinker," writes the Chicago Tribune. "Off-putting and ridiculous," says the Hollywood Reporter. "Austin deserves better material than this. So do we," goes the Philadelphia Inquirer.