'Idol' Men Face A Double-Edged Sword

Bon Jovi night proved too much for the men, most of whom got the hook last night on "American Idol."

Because none of the Idolettes was booted last week, when "we played nice in the name of charity," as show host Ryan Seacrest explained, two must die this week.

Like Chris Richardson, who taught us that singing through one's nose is a "vocal choice." The loss of Chris no doubt comes as a devastating blow to the woman whom Seacrest interviewed at the Los Angeles Farmers Market. She wanted Chris to win the singing competition "for sure" because "he's awesome and hot and looks like Justin Timberlake, which is super cool." Not surprisingly, the old men in the market want Melinda Doolittle to win. This is the worst nightmare of "Idol" producers and the Fox network.

Also gone is Phil Stacey, from whom we learned that sucking up to the "Idol" audience with an "I love you!" shout-out at the end of each performance is not a wasted effort. If only he hadn't waited to play his "my dad is a pastor" card, about how he'd been forbidden to listen to rock music as a kid and had to secretly practice Bon Jovi's "Blaze of Glory." Chicks love that stuff. Too late!

Speaking of double the fun, last night on a definitely not padded "American Idol" results show, we got to hear two pop singers perform. Bon Jovi, of course, because lead singer Jon Bon Jovi graciously agreed to be guest coach this week and he deserves some payback. But also Robin Thicke and his Itty-Bitty Falsetto, who sounded like a bad "Idol" auditioner.

This week's Ford Music Video: Cirque du Ford, in which the Idolettes sang "Paint It Black" as members of a circus act. Jordin Sparks was a mermaid in a dunking tank; Melinda was a contortionist and still had no neck; LaKisha Jones had red hair; Chris was a juggler; Blake Lewis was the puppet master; and, in a fitting end to Phil's career, he actually was Nosferatu.

And this week's Idol Brainteaser to win $10-thou? For the latest Ford Music Video, did the Idolettes visit (a) a laundromat, (b) a carwash or (c) a circus?

And speaking of puppet master, "American Idol" nearly had its very first pistols-at-dawn moment last night. Seacrest and Judge Simon Cowell nearly came to blows when Simon put his hand on Paula Abdul's neck as she answered one of Seacrest's beauty-pageant questions, causing Paula to shriek that she's not his puppet, causing Seacrest to say, "We've seen his puppet -- you're much prettier," causing Simon to refuse to answer his beauty-pageant question until Seacrest apologized for insulting his girlfriend, causing Randy Jackson to remind Simon that she's actually his fiancee not his girlfriend, causing Seacrest to respond that he was referring to something else. By which we think he meant Simon's Little Simon.

Now Blake is the only guy left in the running. Also still standing: Melinda -- favorite of old men in Bermuda shorts -- as well as Jordin and LaKisha.

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MTV, looking for a way to salvage its doddering MTV Video Music Awards -- a trophy show so old it's about to fall out of its own demographic -- has landed on a bold new strategy.

Instead of running the VMA ceremony over and over again for the next several days after the original telecast, the Sumner Redstone-d network has decided to telecast it just once.