Bragging Right

"It's the 'good girl' syndrome: 'I want everybody to like me,' " Valterra says. "But people that make good money are not afraid to stick up for themselves, and they're not afraid to rock the boat."

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"My dear Watson," said he, "I cannot agree with those who rank modesty among the virtues. To the logician all things should be seen exactly as they are, and to underestimate one's self is as much a departure from truth as to exaggerate one's own powers."

-- Sherlock Holmes in "The Adventure of the Greek Interpreter"

And what of the dating world, where self-promotion may elicit more rolled eyes than fluttered lashes?

"In my experience of dating guys that are overly self-promotional, it's such a turnoff, because it almost comes off as an insecurity," says Renee Kostick, founder of Dinner at 8, a local dating service. "If you're that great, why are you telling me about it?"

Ergo, the importance of self-promoting without sounding overly self-impressed. But "that's where people's feet get tangled," says Evan Mark Katz, head of E-Cyrano, a firm that helps clients write online dating profiles.

"There are three things you never need to say in a profile, and yet people will say them," he says. "They will talk about how they are intelligent, how they are attractive and how they are funny. Those things are completely subjective."

Instead, Katz says, there are easy ways to demonstrate these qualities. A picture shows you're attractive. A smartly written bio suggests you're smart. Witty asides reveal humor.

"It's speaking in anecdotes in a matter-of-fact way," he says. "Here's what I did; draw your own conclusions."

Done right, self-promoting is all well and good -- but, still, wouldn't it be nice to have somebody do our boasting for us? Like, say, our own publicist to sing our praises, leaving us to look endearingly bashful. Aw, shucks.

Consider the bar scene, where Joe Blow chats up the ladies, and his friend -- the wingman -- sidles up, throws his arm around Joe and casually lets drop that Joe is, in fact, the man with the money, the power, the skillz, yo. Joe looks sheepish, the ladies starry-eyed and . . .