The Princess Inquiries
Having Helped Voice 'Shrek the Third,' Four Actresses Reminisce Snappily Ever After

By William Booth
Washington Post Staff Writer
Sunday, May 13, 2007; N01

LOS ANGELES -- We're here with the four princesses. These would be the mouthy princesses. The funny ones. Rapunzel, Snow White, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty. Played by the comedic actresses Maya Rudolph, Amy Poehler, Cheri Oteri (all "Saturday Light Live" veterans) and Amy Sedaris, who lent their voices to "Shrek the Third," the animated film sequel about a swamp ogre and a talking donkey which opens Friday and is expected to earn DreamWorks one billion dollars in worldwide box office ticket sales this summer. The princesses have all had their morning coffee. They're bouncing on the couch.

This "Shrek the Third" opens with two ogres, Mike Myers and Cameron Diaz, in bed. Shrek isn't wearing his PJs. The donkey? He (Eddie Murphy) marries a dragon. Their children are little fire-breathing jackasses. The cat? Puss in Boots? He's a player, and he's played by Antonio Banderas.

"Ton Ton," Rudolph purrs, using her pet name for Banderas. "Ton Ton Bambooty."

This is family entertainment, all right, because all the cartoon characters are having families. We suggest that the Shrek franchise has gone seriously PG-13.

"You're such a guy," Poehler says, looking at your correspondent.

"You'll always find what you're looking for," Sedaris says.

"And Bill found porn," Rudolph says.

"Animated porn," Oteri chirps. "The best kind."

This goes on for a while.

Okay, so what is the movie, which is, of course, totally harmless and rated G, about?

"About 90 minutes," Rudolph says.

"It's sweet because it's about Shrek, how in the first movie he learns how to love, and in the second movie he learns how to be married and now learns how to have little nerds," Poehler says.

"Damn," Oteri says, "this movie turned me on."

Oteri plays Sleeping Beauty, who keeps falling asleep.

"She was really tired."

"She takes her Ambien."

"No, no, you can't use that."

"Look at Bill, he's writing that down!"

"Here's a quote for you, Bill," say Poehler. The other three start chanting "pull quote, pull quote, pull quote." Poehler explains, "These ladies don't have any luck with the guys because they don't wait for the men to save them in this movie. So it's all about ladies saving themselves."

No love interests for the princess people?

"It's real life, Bill," Oteri says. "Grow up."

"Wait a second. I kissed a guy in the movie," Rudolph says. She plays Rapunzel, who lets down her hair for the villain, Prince Charming (Rupert Everett), an actor, naturally. "Of course, I had to betray my friends to do it."

This interview is the first time the four princesses have actually sat together in the same room. When they did the voices, they performed in sound studios, alone, in either New York or Los Angeles, reading from a script.

Next question: "We're curious about the voices, how voice acting might be different from, umm, acting acting, yes?"

"Who's this 'we,' Bill?" Rudolph asks.

Then one of princesses mentions that she had huevos rancheros for breakfast. Breakfast is discussed for a little while. Then: "Have you noticed?" Sedaris says, tousling her locks. "If you look at us, if you looked at the hair dye. The range, it's a good grouping. We look like a Clairol commercial."

More good things about voice acting: "I would be intimidated if I had to do a scene with Julie Andrews in real life," says Sedaris. Andrews does the voice of Shrek's mother-in-law, the Queen of Far Far Away. "I'd say no. I can't do that. But it's easier to do it in voice. I mean, I think your character tells her to shut up." She points at Poehler. "Could you tell Julie Andrews to shut up in real life?"

But Poehler says her character, Snow White, never tells Julie Andrews to shut up.

"So it's that guy, what's his name? Who's playing a woman?"

"Larry King?" (King does the voice of Doris, one of Cinderella's homely stepsisters.)

"We should have Larry King here," Oteri says.

"Yeah, Larry King knows how to do an interview," Poehler snorts.

The actresses spent three days in the sound studio. "So it's a long, arduous process, Bill," Sedaris says. "The animators have to work really, really hard, too. That's what I heard."

You all made a fortune for three days' work, didn't you?

"Are you a cop, Bill?"

"I haven't talked to anybody about the money," Rudolph says, "but I hope it'll work out." The princesses agree that voice acting is outstanding work. Why?

"It's way easier."

"You just show up and read it."

"In sweat pants," says Oteri. (At least we think it's Oteri, because on the tape recording of this interview, the princesses keep laughing, and other people, like publicists and makeup artists and photographers and waiters, keep showing up and laughing, too, as though it's a free seat at the Groundlings improv).

Rudolph confesses that between her first day of work and her second day of work (months later), she "forgot which character I was."

Several others add: "Me, too!" They all agree that it is a little challenging to keep all the princesses straight.

"They showed us storyboards of what our characters would look like," Rudolph explains. "Because there's some historical stuff they have to stick to. Like Cinderella. She was of African descent."

"Hey, Bill!" One of the princesses is snapping her fingers, telling us to pay attention. "Rapunzel? You know she's not a real person, right?"

"I didn't know anything about her," Sedaris says. "Except the tower and the long hair."

"But there was so much more to her," Rudolph says.

Such as?

"Like she was bald," Rudolph says. (It's a gag in the film.)

"In the porn version," Oteri says.

The correspondent, in a lame attempt to keep his job, tries to steer this sinking ship toward one question posed pre-interview by his editor. To wit: So, you were all funny girls growing up? And, we mean, was that hard? You know? Because, like, in the movie "Mean Girls" (in which Poehler played Rachel McAdams's mom), it's so competitive in high school, and uhhh, was it a coping . . . mechanism . . . thing?

"Oh, now he's getting to it," Sedaris says.

"Bill, what exactly is your point?" Rudolph asks.

"You don't pay attention to this when you're a child," says Sedaris, whose brother is the essayist David Sedaris. "You're into props and wigs and you want to make people laugh and you're that person; you don't even think about it. You might think about it now. But when you're a little kid, you don't think about it."

Oteri says, "I was never the clown. Or when I wasn't the clown, I was pretty quiet."

"Like a silent clown," says Poehler.

"Like a sad mime," says Rudolph.

You see what you get?

"I have an older brother." Rudolph says. "Did you all have brothers? It made you part of the gang. Kinda cool, sorta tomboyish, to be funny."

"Little did I know that men weren't going to find it attractive," Oteri says. "Yeah. Yeah. That a hard rain was gonna fall."

"We were all a little loudmouths. It was fun," Poehler says.

"My friends thought I was funny, so they thought I should go into comedy," Rudolph says. "It made them happy."

The princesses are famous for their impressions and mimicry, but in "Shrek the Third" they pretty much do themselves. On "SNL," Rudolph did a great Condoleezza Rice and Paris Hilton; Poehler did Madonna and Julia Roberts; Oteri did Barbara Walters and Fran Drescher. Now Sedaris breaks into a Francis McDormand. It is uncannily good.

So do you ever run into the people you do? (Get ready.)

"When you say do?"

"I run into him all the time."

"I don't do very good impressions," Poehler says. "But Michael Jackson calls every time I do him. But it's just to talk."

They can go on like this all day long.

Somehow, they begin to discuss birthdays, and birthdays lead, naturally, to astrology. The house is packed with Virgos and Aries. Fire and Earth.

"So what are you, Bill?"

Pisces?

"Oh, an alcoholic!" Sedaris says. "A dreamer. A fish swimming in and out." They get the exact date and Sedaris shouts, "A cusp!" and they all start hissing like asps.

"Get off the cusp."

"Step away from the cusp."

Sedaris says, "But seriously, you've got some problems."

"Wait a second," Oteri says. "I spaced out at one point. I didn't realize you were interviewing us."

Obviously not.

Poehler takes pity. "Listen, Bill, write this down. This will save you. There's little girls now and they're into princessy things. Girls go through this princess phase. It's nice to play modern versions of those in this movie." That would be "Shrek the Third." Yeah. "And for lack of a better word. These princessy . . ."

Archetypes?

"Don't stop me," Poehler says. "They're girly. Pretty, pretty pretty. But we're self-reliant." In the movie "Shrek the Third." Yeah. "It's the new version. Maybe in a culture where now there's a lot of style without a lot of substance. Maybe these ladies are the opposite of that."

Thank you, Amy Poehler, Snow White. "That was a ton of material I just gave you, Bill," she says. Now, the photographer wants to take their picture, and the three different makeup artists descend to comb hair, brush on product. Now the princesses are yelling at the photographer.

"I want a lot of filter."

"Use the real soft light, baby."

"And put some Vaseline on that lens!"