They Met Online, but Definitely Didn't Click

Chemistry.com's ad campaign does not mince words when it comes to eHarmony.com, which has rejected about a million people since its inception in 2000. (Youtube.com)

The biggest reason for rejection, it says, is that the applicant is married. Stunningly, nearly one-third of the company's rejects (30 percent) fell into this category. Others are blocked because they're younger than the minimum application age of 21 (27 percent) or because the applicant gives inconsistent answers (9 percent), based on responses to eHarmony's 258-question application.

"We were founded with the mission to find happy, lasting relationships for people," Greg Waldorf, eHarmony's chief executive, said in an interview last week. "It pains me that we're being put down or criticized for ensuring that we're doing the best job possible for our members."

But eHarmony also turns people away for more controversial reasons. One is being gay. Chemistry.com notes as much in an ad that shows a young man leafing through a magazine that appears to be Playboy; he's more amused than aroused by what he sees. "Nope," he says with a sigh, "still gay." Then comes the "Rejected by eHarmony" stamp.

Waldorf says eHarmony's matching system is based on psychological research about heterosexual relationships. Because it doesn't have similar data on gay people, he says, the company isn't confident that it can offer successful matches to same-sex couples. "I'm not saying anything precludes us from going into the same-sex market in the future," he says, "but it's not a service we offer now."

Chemistry.com, on the other hand, matches people looking for same-sex relationships.

EHarmony also rejects anyone younger than 60 who's been married more than four times, as well as those who fail its "dysthymia scale," another proprietary metric designed to screen people who, the company says, might have "severe depression." (Dysthymia actually refers to a chronic but less severe form of depression.)

EHarmony's gay and psychological screening methods have generated criticism for years among online daters, says David Evans, who writes the Online Dating Insider blog (and has consulted for several dating companies, including Chemistry.com). "You hear it all the time: People say, 'I filled out this long questionnaire, and I got rejected for not being happy enough,' " Evans says. "You do this deep-think about your personality, and then it feels like you got smacked across the face."

Chemistry says its ads are designed simply to highlight differences between it and eHarmony. "We're saying, 'We're a very accepting, non-judgmental' " service, said Mandy Ginsberg, Chemistry's general manager. "Philosophically, we believe that anyone who's looking for a relationship is entitled to a relationship."

But eHarmony sees more than that in Chemistry's campaign. One TV spot features a young black man who says that he, too, was rejected -- which Waldorf says falsely implies that eHarmony rejects applicants based on race.

A Chemistry print ad shows another black model, with text that asks, "Was it my love for Buddha?" This is a particularly sensitive issue for eHarmony, which began by focusing on Christian singles. Waldorf says the "Buddha" reference could raise questions about whether eHarmony uses a religious test, which he denies.

Firing back, eHarmony accuses Chemistry's parent company of hypocrisy. It notes that IAC made formal overtures to buy eHarmony in 2004, but a deal never came off. Now, eHarmony says, IAC is running ads criticizing eHarmony's business practices. Says Waldorf, "When we got to know IAC, they were very admiring of our business model. I don't know what's changed."