Rolling With the Remodeling

There's always a snag.

The cabinet shows up in the wrong size. The plumber is delayed at another job. The inspector fails to appear on the appointed day.

Even under the best of circumstances, remodeling inevitably turns into an emotional roller coaster with so many highs and lows that it can take weeks for homeowners to recover mentally from major construction, building experts said.

"Sometimes, it's not until two or three months later, when the homeowner is sitting in their new sunlit room with a breeze blowing through, that they finally say, 'I'm glad I did this,' " said David Lupberger, a building consultant and author of "Managing the Emotional Homeowner," a book aimed at contractors.

"It takes time for the memory to fade."

Putting finances aside, the angst of remodeling typically is rooted in not knowing what to expect next. As some builders readily admit, contractors are not by nature a communicative bunch. They're trained to work with their hands, not hold hands. That helps explain why many fail to brace their clients for the ride ahead, Lupberger said.

That ride goes something like this: Homeowner decides to build. Excitement soars. Budget and wish list don't mesh. Excitement wanes. Construction begins; frame takes shape. Excitement hits high.

From then until the project is done is usually the longest downhill run. That's when the plumbers, electricians and other contractors do their thing, said Tim Burch Jr., president of Burch Builders Group in Warrenton. "The client can't put their finger on the pulse of what's happening. To them, it feels like they're looking at the same structure without seeing change."

The disruption of time and space can take a toll on a homeowner's psyche, said Clare Cooper Marcus, author of the recently reissued book "House as a Mirror of Self." For her book, Marcus asked people to carry on a dialogue with their homes, asking them to alternate roles and pretend to be the home talking back. The exercise often elicited tears and gasps.

"It may sound a bit hokey and very California, but it was extraordinarily revealing," said Marcus, professor emerita in the architecture department of the University of California at Berkeley. "At home, we are surrounded by things that represent our values -- the mementos of travel, family and special events. It is a powerful place because it is our psyche writ large."

So it's no wonder that messing with the setup can be a tortured experience, giving rise to tension between homeowners and their contractors -- and among the homeowners themselves, she said.

"He wants to remodel the kitchen this way, and she wants to do it that way, and suddenly they realize that the differences in style or the willingness to spend money represent underlying differences between them that they had been papering over," Marcus said.