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Another Memorial Day Marks Grief's Journey
Frank Adamouski watches as his wife, Judy, comforts their son's widow, Meighan, at a memorial service Thursday in Richmond. Capt. James F. Adamouski was one of the first casualties of the Iraq war.
(By Andrea Bruce -- The Washington Post)
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Religious faith helped enormously, they said.
They also were grateful when, nine months after Mark died, his wife, Patty, moved from Kansas to Virginia to be closer to Mark's grave at Arlington National Cemetery.
Sallie and Norm talk about how Patty has been both mother and father and also kept Mark's memory alive. Mark's children, now 2, 5 and 7, often draw pictures for their dad that they take to Arlington; they also bring his favorite gum.
On Mark's birthday, Patty and the children celebrate at his grave with ice cream cake, his favorite.
On some days, how Patty gets by surprises even her. "I think with the strength I get from my kids," she said. "I need to make sure I'm strong for them."
Holidays can be the toughest, she and the Stubenhofers said -- Mark's birthday, Memorial Day, Christmas, Mother's Day, Father's Day -- but at times they have been touched by unexpected kindness.
That first Christmas, a fellow graduate of Clemson who did not know Mark showed up at the Stubenhofers' door with wrapped gifts for each of his children.
The first anniversary of Mark's death, when it seemed difficult for Norm and Sallie to imagine holding up through the day, they went to visit Mark's grave at Arlington and noticed two strangers scanning names on headstones.
The men had come to see Mark. One had served under him in Iraq, and he told the Stubenhofers how Mark had changed his life, inspiring him to go to college. For an hour, he recollected their time at war.
In the end, Norm said, "it was a beautiful day."
"It was like a gift," Sallie said.
Mark was honored at West Springfield High School, at the Clemson ROTC program from which he had graduated, at the local post office named in his memory. His high school buddies started a yearly golf tournament to raise funds for his children's education.
