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Another Memorial Day Marks Grief's Journey
Frank Adamouski watches as his wife, Judy, comforts their son's widow, Meighan, at a memorial service Thursday in Richmond. Capt. James F. Adamouski was one of the first casualties of the Iraq war.
(By Andrea Bruce -- The Washington Post)
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"To see how many lives he touched gave us a tremendous sense of comfort," Sallie said.
Thinking more about the importance of service, Mark's family founded "Mark's Hope," a nonprofit organization, to help Iraqi children. The group collects soccer balls, school supplies, shoes and stuffed animals and ships them overseas for troops to hand out in the war-ravaged country. Their daughter's husband serves in Iraq.
"It was a way for our family to carry on what he believed in," Sallie said. "He always said, 'If you could see these children, you would know that what we're doing there is right.' "
The organization has sent more than 500 boxes since 2005, but Norm and Sallie find themselves surprised when strangers show up, as they sometimes do, with loads of unrequested donations.
Recently, a woman in a pickup brought dozens of bags to the Stubenhofers' colonial on a leafy street in Springfield. A week later, she came back with more.
"People just find us," Sallie said, and they are always glad. She reflected, "You grieve forever, but in different ways at different times."
Grand Plans Cut Short
In another living room in Springfield, Judy Adamouski, 60, was motioning toward a tall oak china cabinet with glass doors. She was about to get rid of it when her son died in Iraq. Then she remembered she bought it the year that Jimmy was born.
"Now it stays," she said.
She said there is not nearly enough left behind of Jimmy -- the outgoing son who embraced every sport that involved a ball, the stellar student who decided on West Point in the fourth grade. Jimmy became a soccer standout and senior class president at Robert E. Lee High School in Springfield. He went on to become an accomplished military pilot with 1,200 flight hours; he was a company commander.
"As tough as I am, I still cry every day," said Frank Adamouski, 67.
Frank himself had a 23-year military career, trained as an intelligence analyst, serving in Vietnam during the Tet Offensive. A retired lieutenant colonel, he is grateful the country supports the troops more than it did during his era. But he longs for answers about the Black Hawk crash that killed Jimmy -- whether it was caused by mechanical failure, enemy action or friendly fire.
"Nothing's going to bring him back," Judy said, "but you feel these doubts. You want to know."
