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Another Memorial Day Marks Grief's Journey
Frank Adamouski watches as his wife, Judy, comforts their son's widow, Meighan, at a memorial service Thursday in Richmond. Capt. James F. Adamouski was one of the first casualties of the Iraq war.
(By Andrea Bruce -- The Washington Post)
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"If you analyze it well enough, you may find something that would save someone else's life," Frank said.
The day it happened, Judy Adamouski remembered, she returned home from an outing to see her husband watching a television report about a Black Hawk down in Iraq.
"Oh my God," she said, falling to her knees. "Jimmy!"
Her husband calmed her. What are the odds, he asked. "How many Black Hawks are there in Iraq?"
Jimmy, part of the 2nd Battalion of the 3rd Aviation Regiment, had left for the war thinking he would be gone only a few months. He had done multiple tours of duty in Bosnia and Kosovo, and his commanders were sending him home to prepare for fall classes in Harvard's MBA program.
After grad school, he had a position lined up to teach economics at West Point.
Instead he became West Point's first Iraq casualty.
After the funeral, his young wife, Meighan, moved in with his parents -- staying a year -- and the three of them helped one another through a period of profound shock and grief.
Frank, who had recently retired, took a new job -- believing it best not to be home all day with his mourning. Judy was working part time as a nurse.
Now Judy wears a memorial bracelet engraved with the names of all six men who were killed on Jimmy's helicopter in Iraq. On her right hand, she wears a miniature West Point class ring, with her engagement diamond set into the center.
The complete loss she feels, she said, is "something I think only a mother could understand. There is something about a mother's bond with a son."
Because they believe in heaven, Judy said, "we know he's happy. It's us -- we're a mess."
Still, religious faith has helped her move forward, she said, and she finds comfort in how well Jimmy's life was going when he died.
His memory has been honored by West Point, by Harvard, by his high school -- and unexpectedly.
Last Christmas, a young man rang their doorbell and left flowers and his "plebe" hat from West Point. Tucked inside was a note saying the young cadet, Class of 2010, knew about the family's loss and that Jimmy would never be forgotten.
Joined in Loss
Church of the Nativity in Burke is the third-largest Catholic church in Northern Virginia, with 4,500 families, the pastor says. The Adamouskis and the Stubenhofers had never crossed paths there, but now all four parents serve as Eucharistic ministers.
The families have become acquainted through their grief.
The Stubenhofers went to Jimmy's funeral because they had a son in Iraq and wanted to honor a fellow soldier. The Adamouskis went to Mark's services because the pastor suggested they knew better than anyone what the other family was going through.
Outside the church, dogwood trees have been planted in honor of Jimmy and Mark. Early bloomers, they bring promise of spring to a bleak landscape.
