Diplomatic Impunity

My fiance and I are both in our early 20s, eagerly awaiting our wedding date. We have made a decision to wait until our wedding night before "going all the way."

We both come from moral families that uphold traditional views on sex and marriage. Knowing my future in-laws' views on such matters, should they have the right to question our intentions or the physical part of our relationship? Is it really any of their business?

No, but they will anyway. Miss Manners recommends blushing, looking down and mumbling, "I'm sorry, but I was brought up never to mention such things." Tears and running from the room would help.

Your fiance will have a harder time, since they brought him up, but he can plead that discussing that would be a violation of the old-fashioned modesty that he treasures in you.

Dear Miss Manners:

I recently dined out with a companion who spoke rudely to one of the wait staff, demanding that he move a neighboring (empty) table away from us, even using a curse word. I was too stunned to intervene at the moment, but, feeling badly, I approached the worker later and apologized for my companion's behavior. Should I have reacted at the moment of attack, and if so, how?

You didn't want to insult your friend, either, Miss Manners understands, richly as he deserved it. So it could have been to him that you said, "Why, Dwight, that's not like you. I hope nothing's the matter."

Feeling incorrect? E-mail your etiquette questions to Miss Manners (who is distraught that she cannot reply personally) atMissManners@unitedmedia.comor mail to United Media, 200 Madison Ave., New York, N.Y. 10016.

2007Judith Martin