'Good Enough' Feels Great

TV Personality René Syler Finds Relief in Imperfect Parenting

The past few months have been tough for television journalist René Syler. Late last year, Syler was fired as anchor of CBS's "The Early Show," a job she'd held since 2002. Being terminated from such a high-profile job was bad enough, but it came on the heels of her decision to have an elective double mastectomy as a preventive measure against breast cancer. Syler's very public journey through her health scare and career challenges have brought renewed interest in the California native, whose new book "Good-Enough Mother: The Perfectly Imperfect Book of Parenting" (written with Karen Moline) casts a humorous and honest eye on modern motherhood.

Married to Buff Parham and a mother of two, Syler's old-school take on motherhood comes from a good source: basic common sense. Her book is crammed with examples of how she learned to trust that her children, daughter Casey and son Cole will be fine if she did her best. Her examples of being a good-enough mother ring true for any mom who's passed off store-bought baked goods as her own at a school bake sale or canceled a playdate for the kiddies to make time for a girl's night out on the calendar.

And unlike so many other books in the over-stuffed "advice for mommies" genre, Syler's quick, easy prose and biting humor make "Good-Enough Mother" a tasty alternative to the usual beach book fare.

Jill Hudson Neal: Your book establishes right away that you're over the idea of being a "perfect" mom.

René Syler: You know, I'm ok with the fact that I'm not a perfect mother. My kids are thriving -- they're growing, they're smart, happy. And they love me with all of my wrinkles and tantrums and knowing that I'm a horrible cook. Women have been taught that we're supposed to serve and put other people's needs ahead of our own, and for a long time we've bought into that. I hope there are more women out there who now say, in order to give to everybody else, I have to also give to myself.

Jill Hudson Neal: Do you think this idea of being a perfect mother comes from our need to be in control?

René Syler: We live in a society that values perfection even though there is no such thing, and some women take their cues from that. They look at their children and motherhood as some kind of crazy contest that they're being judged on. Listen, my son wears camouflage every day of the week. In fact, he's home sick today and he's got a camo blanket wrapped around him. It is not a reflection of me as a parent that he likes to wear camouflage; that's his own thing. When they go out in public and they're wearing something that I wouldn't put together, and I get a tisk-tisk from another mother, I just say, "I don't care." In fact, I've got a whole chapter in my book called "I Don't Care."

Jill Hudson Neal: And how did you get to that point, where you can say, "I don't care"?

René Syler: It was an evolution. There was a time when I did care, when I only had one kid. But when that second kid comes along, you're worried about your priorities and that's all you have room in your brain to think about. Getting older also helps you to focus. Who can be bothered with what other people think, especially if you're doing your job as a parent? Accepting yourself as a good enough mother is an organic process. The big thing is to trust yourself -- to not worry about what your mother-in-law says or what all the books are saying -- including my book -- about what is right with regard to parenting. This is your child and you know how to take care of your child better than anybody. My kids couldn't have a better mother than me. I don't have all the answers, but I'm smart enough to figure them out.

Jill Hudson Neal: Being good enough obviously means taking a practical approach to mothering.

René Syler: Being a good-enough mother is based in common sense. I came up with the title, but the idea has been around since the beginning of time. My own mother was a good-enough mother. I grew up in Sacramento, we didn't have a lot of cash, my folks didn't get along real well. My mom was out there cutting corners like a lot of moms were. This isn't new -- it's just very chic to talk about it now.

Jill Hudson Neal: You've filled the book with tons of anecdotes about your kids and your response to their antics. For someone who says, "Oh, just let the little stuff go," it's obvious that you've been paying very close attention to the details of their lives -- and to your mistakes along the way.

René Syler: You know what it's like -- every single day there's a new example of how I have to say to myself, "I was trying my best." Yesterday, my son, Cole, said he was sick, and I said, "No, no, you're just tired. You got to bed a little late last night; you're going to school." [Later], when he came home from school doubled over with a fever, I thought, "Okay, obviously, my 'good-enough mother' skills need a bit of honing." I was wrong to send him to school and I apologized -- but afterward, I moved on and didn't beat myself up over it.

Jill Hudson Neal: I'm also struck by your insistence that moms remain true to who they were before the kids came along.

René Syler: The hard part is -- and I talk about this in the book -- if you stand up and say that, there's a faction of mothers that think that's blasphemous. As if, somehow when you became a mother, you lose the essence of who you were. Just because I am a mom and I love my kids madly -- and my husband, occasionally (laughs) -- I'm still the same person. It's not that my dreams, goals and aspirations have to die so that theirs can live. That doesn't work in my world. There're a lot of moms out there who believe that.

Jill Hudson Neal: How are you feeling these days?

René Syler: I doing great and I feel good now. [The reconstructive surgery] was like a bad dream. I had the first of two surgeries in January and the final reconstruction was in March. So it's been three months. One of the things I learned from my health problems -- as you know I was also losing my job at the same time -- was that I was strong. I don't want people to take this the wrong way, but I was impressed by me and how I got through that. I went to hell and back -- and my children had a front-row seat to see their mother handle the adversity that life can throw your way. When I came home from having surgery, I was like Frankenmommy with drains coming out from under my arms. My son said, "Mom, I think you did the right thing because people die from breast cancer." And my kids got that I opted for the surgery because I love them and want to be with them for a long time. They also got that you have to have a sense of humor through the tough times. My son told all his friends at school, "Yeah, my mom got her implants." I was like, "Um, hold on, Cole."

Jill Hudson Neal: What's next for you?

René Syler: I'll get back into TV eventually. I'm just trying to get healthy again. When you have a major illness, you're reminded of your own mortality.