The Cheese Stands Alone

"The vice president's theory seems to be one almost laughable on its face, that he's not part of the executive branch," Sen. Chuck Schumer (N.Y.) said in a conference call with reporters from his car. "I think if you ask James Madison or Benjamin Franklin or any of the writers of the Constitution, they'd almost laugh if they heard that."

Madison and Franklin did not return phone calls yesterday.

Maybe Schumer was just jealous. After all, Cheney enjoys perks not available to his colleagues in the legislative branch: a mansion off Massachusetts Avenue, Air Force Two, a West Wing office and a huge staff in the, uh, Executive Office Building next to the White House.

Over on the House side of the Capitol, the chairman of the Democratic caucus, Rahm Emanuel (Ill.), was equally unforgiving. He wants Congress to cut funding for the executive branch to reflect the fact that the Office of the Vice President is no longer part of that branch.

Cruelly, Emanuel said he would also oppose any attempt by Cheney to play in the congressional baseball game, held last night. "He would remake the rules to his liking," the congressman explained.

At the White House, spokeswoman Perino was in urgent need of a relief pitcher.

ABC's Martha Raddatz led off. "Does the president believe [Cheney] is part of the executive branch?"

Perino drew a deep breath and flipped through her notes. "I think that that is an interesting constitutional question," she answered.

Raddatz repeated the interesting question. "I'm not opining on it," the spokeswoman said.

CNN's Ed Henry asked if Cheney's office should get funds "from the legislative branch instead of from the executive branch."

Perino swallowed hard. "I don't know."

The abuse continued. "You're stonewalling," Helen Thomas heckled. CBS News's Jim Axelrod suggested Perino was denying "sky-is-blue stuff" and pointed out that the matter revises "more than 200 years of constitutional scholarship."

"He can't possibly argue that he's part of neither" branch, Koffler said, "and it seems like he's saying he's part of neither."

"Okay," Perino confessed after half an hour, "you have me thoroughly confused as well."