But Can He Play in Peoria?

Me: Well, it's mostly snide, smart-aleck stuff, gratuitous character assassination, quasi-vulgar observations about human excretory functions, general cultural chauvinism with particular elitist condescension toward people who don't live in big cities and, above all, overwhelming contempt for small-town politicians.

The Mayor:

Me:

The Mayor: I have to say, people here are already very sensitive to that type of attitude from bigger cities, because we're kind of a stepdaughter to Chicago. I think some Peorians have a tendency to be a little insecure. So I don't know about that.

Me: Maybe I should try out some humor on you.

The Mayor: Sure.

Me: I'm thinking that "Peoria" sounds like a combination of "pee" and "euphoria," which is something many people can relate to, especially after a long car ride, which Peorians might want to take to get out of Peoria!

The Mayor: See, that's the thing. A big part of the misperception of Peoria is that if you blink, you'll pass us by. We have a Level 1 trauma center, and Caterpillar's world headquarters is in Peoria. And we have a big agricultural research lab. A lot of people don't know this, but penicillin was discovered here.

Me: Wow. I am beginning to like Peoria just fine! I might move there!

The Mayor: People come here and look around and are surprised, and they say, "Gee, where are the cornfields at?"

Me: So, where are the cornfields at?

The Mayor: About five miles outside of town.