An Elder Statesman's Wisdom of the Aged

Yeah, that's right, Robert Byrd's old -- you got a problem with that?

The longest-serving senator in history (54 years!) took the Senate floor yesterday to give an impassioned, somewhat-hurt-sounding speech responding to recent news stories that have noted the effects of his 89 years catching up with him.

"In this Internet-savvy, media-infused culture, we have forgotten that people get older. Even, dare I say it -- old," he said, tremulous but defiant. "Television is full of pretty, young people. The few white-haired heads that one sees on television are made up and glamorous. Off-camera, though, most bear little resemblance. . . . In a culture of Botox, wrinkle cream and hair dye, we cannot imagine that becoming older is a good thing . . . and a state worthy of respect."

The West Virginia Democrat -- just reelected to another six-year term last fall -- was allotted 20 minutes to make his speech, double the usual amount of time, Majority Leader Harry Reid made a point of noting. Byrd read from a stack of paper with print so large that he peeled away a page after almost every sentence.

What set him off? In particular, an Associated Press story that noted his halting walk with two canes and the constant nudging by assistants to keep him alert through a subcommittee meeting. The story ran in the Charleston Daily Mail with a photo of his shaky signature.

"It is true that this year's signature looks like I signed it in a moving car," Byrd said, citing a "benign essential tremor . . . annoying but hardly evidence that I am at death's door."

The canes? "I am not aware of any requirement for physical dexterity in order to hold the office of U.S. senator."

Those long nodding-off moments in subcommittee? Hey, his younger colleagues are probably glad for the chance to shine! "Why shouldn't these fine senators, now in their 50s through their 80s, get to spread their wings while the old wise Byrd watches?" (Ah, well played, senator!)

LOVE, ETC.

· Expecting: R&B star Usher, 28, and his stylist-fiancee, Tameka Foster, 37, announced yesterday that she's pregnant, due this fall. Will be the fourth child for the recently divorced Foster; will be Usher's . . . first child? So all that drama he sang about in "Confessions" ("Just when I thought I said all I can say / my chick on the side said she got one on the way") was just completely made up? Dang.

QUOTES

(Nannette Bedway)

"She walked through the door with her boss, and the minute that we met, it was love at first sight. . . . We didn't really have a conversation at first. That wouldn't have been appropriate to have expressed that. . . . I mean, I'm a member of Congress but I'm not THAT kind of member of Congress."

-- Rep. Dennis Kucinich, recounting the start of his whirlwind courtship with his (statuesque and much younger) wife of two years, Elizabeth, during a pre-taped appearance by the Democratic presidential candidate on CBS's "Late Show With David Letterman" airing tonight.

"You are the America that we love. Women like you . . . do a lot to bring our two peoples together."

-- French President Nicolas Sarkozy, awarding his country's Legion of Honor medal Thursday to Barbra Streisand. (We hear Jerry Lewis is pretty steamed.)