Getting Some on The Sly

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There is a commonly accepted hierarchy of Netflix cheating:

The most forgivable transgression is watching something that you erroneously (but honestly) believe your partner would have no interest in seeing. Example: "Premonition," when your spouse repeatedly hates on Sandra Bullock.

Slightly more despicable is watching a movie you know your partner would like, but for which no specific viewing plans have been made.

The highest level of cheating occurs when you knowingly and willfully break a specific and longstanding viewing agreement.

A special circle of hell is reserved for those who watch directors' cuts alone.

Beyond that, some couples have developed their own rules and clauses.

· The Zip code rule: Movies can be watched if one of the parties is out of town, especially if said travel lasts more than three days or falls on a weekend.

· The "Sixth Sense" rule: Any movie billed as having a surprise ending should not be watched sans partner. Especially if one can't keep one's mouth shut.

· The "Veronica Mars" rule: Any TV show in which one's understanding of the plot depends on viewing every episode should not be watched without one's partner. If one does watch solo, one must not return the DVD until both parties have completed it.

· The Don't Ask, Don't Tell rule: Indiscretions are tolerated, so long as the wronged party never learns of them. David Klimas and Kurt Rieschick have developed such a policy with certain shows. "If he ever watches 'Lost' without me," says Klimas, "he better have the decency to lie about it. The truth would be too devastating."

Devastating? Only if your definition of abject anguish involves missing out on a shirtless Matthew Fox. Which it might, but we're just sayin', in the grand scheme of relationships: Is skipping ahead a few DVDs into a series really cause for upset?

No, admits Jamie Lewis, it's not. But even while he knows this, he can't help but wish his boyfriend would Just. Save. The bleeping. Show. For when. They both. Can watch. "It would just be a small gesture, but it would show me that he gets it, that he can put me first."

So maybe it's not a big deal unless you take the Lewis stance, viewing TV-watching as a barometer of your relationship's health. In that case, there's something to be said for shared activities, shared discussions, shared plans for the future -- even if the future is only "tonight" and the plan is only to watch "Battlestar Galactica."