Not That Anyone Was Watching . . .

Paula Abdul understandably covers her eyes in light of her show's ratings. (By Vivian Zink)

As the annual pre-Fourth-of-July pall began to settle over the TV landscape, CBS won last week's ratings battle even though it attracted an average of just 6.8 million viewers -- the third-smallest winning audience ever, according to Nielsen Media Research.

Here's a look at the week's pretty and ugly:

WINNERS

Paris Hilton. After two broadcast networks announced they were shocked -- shocked!-- to discover they'd been talking about paying Hilton's family for audiovisual aids to use with her first post-slammer interview, poor Paris was forced to tell her touching story of enlightenment and redemption to the much smaller Larry King universe, where 3.2 million viewers is considered so huge -- triple his usual audience -- that Fox News channel felt compelled to call The Reporters Who Cover Television to remind them its Bill O'Reilly clocked nearly as many viewers (2.76 million) that same night, without Paris and with one hand tied behind his back.

"Concert for Diana." NBC paid $2.5 million to be able to tell you its telecast of Sunday's Wembley Stadium concert was the No. 1 show that night and a Top 10 show for the week, with an average audience of just under 9 million viewers. On the other hand, NBC's concert highlight show copped a whole lot more viewers than VH1's daytime telecast of the whole concert -- that averaged 1.4 million viewers.

"La Fea Mas Bella." The finale of Univision's telenovela clocked 7.4 million viewers Monday to land in the top 15 broadcast programs -- just ahead of Fox's "Hell's Kitchen" and right behind CBS's "Shark" repeat.

"Burn Notice." USA's commercial-free premiere of its newest drama series, about a spy who has been given his walking papers, attracted 4 million viewers Thursday, putting it ahead of anything on ABC that night.

LOSERS

Isaiah Washington. Not even 1 million viewers caught the ousted "Grey's Anatomy" star when his Can't Stop Talking tour stopped by CNN's "Larry King Live" this past Monday night. Last Thursday, nearly 4 million watched a rerun of him from his now-over "Grey's " days.

"Hey Paula." Did you, like Bravo suits, hope the tens of millions who love watching Paula Abdul on "American Idol" would tune in to watch her sell jewelry and tangle with Joan Rivers on the debut of her very own documentary series? Then all but 607,000 of them disappointed you.

"Shaq's Big Challenge." Shaq's weight-loss reality series scored an anorexic 4.5 million viewers in its ABC premiere Tuesday.

"Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip." Last fall's most hyped new series died quietly Thursday with just 4.2 million tuning in to see the and-they-all-lived-happily-ever-after ending.

The week's 10 most watched programs, in order, were: NBC's "America's Got Talent"; CBS's "CSI"; Fox's Wednesday 9 p.m. and Thursday "So You Think You Can Dance" and "Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?"; CBS's "Two and a Half Men" and "CSI: Miami"; NBC's "Concert for Diana" and Tuesday "Law & Order: SVU"; and Fox's Wednesday 8 p.m. "So You Think You Can Dance."