It's Not Them, It's You. And That's Okay.
Let Lessons From Rejections Propel You to Work That's a Better Fit

By Susan Kreimer
Special to The Washington Post
Sunday, July 15, 2007

Like many job seekers, Wayne Hochberg is tired of trying to figure out why he wasn't hired.

"People don't like to give you bad news," said Hochberg, 48, a salesman who lives in the District. "If you're not going to get a position, rather than simply tell you, they give you the silent treatment."

As discouraging and confusing as rejections may be, it's possible to glean valuable lessons from them, even if no one will tell you what went wrong. The most important thing to remember, experts say, is to keep your chin up and channel disappointment into constructive action.

"Turn rejection into a motivator," said Robert Stack, a career coach in Palm Beach Gardens, Fla. "Let it inspire you to work harder at finding the right company and the right job for your talent and expertise."

While it might sound obvious, remind yourself that rejection is a fact of life in any job market. When an employer or recruiter says, "you are not the one," take it to mean, "you are the one for someone else," Stack said. His favorite motto: "Manage your rejections; don't let rejection manage you."

By not confusing a professional "no" with personal rejection, a job seeker helps avert a pessimistic mind-set that could sabotage the search. Negativity makes it much more difficult to remain poised and energetic, said Louise Kursmark, an executive résumé writer and career consultant in Reading, Mass.

"When a company says that another candidate is a better fit, they are probably right. Take heart when you hear this because a bad-fit job usually means a short tenure," she said. "You want to go where the culture, challenges and people create an environment for you to do your best work."

Employers seldom give specific reasons for hiring another candidate. Still, it never hurts to ask. The answer could lead you closer to your goal: an offer worthy of acceptance.

"It is important to solicit direct and relevant feedback," said Nicole Hardin, managing director at HireStrategy, a staffing firm in Reston. She recommends "asking the tough questions that allow you to get to the heart of why you didn't get a certain position."

Among the questions she suggests: "Do you have any feedback on our meeting that would help me to improve my interviewing style?"

If the employer has chosen someone else, a logical follow-up would be: "What was it in this candidate's background that made him a more ideal fit?"

A candid response may provide insight into weaknesses and hint at holes in experience. This can be useful in revising a résumé and preparing for future interviews, said Rachelle Jayner, owner of Paradigm Consulting in Montgomery County, a firm specializing in human resources strategy.

"It may even identify areas for potential training or education efforts -- to build your skills and further your professional development," she said.

Patterns in a series of rejections also can reveal clues to why applications and interviews fail.

"For example," Jayner said, "if you continually receive rejections from companies in a specific industry, consider that your experience may be better suited for a different industry."

If there's a recurring problem -- going on initial interviews but seldom being called back or making the second cut but never receiving an offer -- it would be wise to consult an interview coach, Kursmark said. A coach "can often spot the unconscious things you might be doing to sabotage yourself and can help build your self-confidence as well."

Self-examination can also help. After each interview, evaluate what went well and what could use some tinkering.

"Most job seekers assume that if they have the best skills, they will be selected for the job. Unfortunately, this is a fallacy," Hardin said.

"In most cases, it is the candidate who is the best presenter and connects with the interviewer who gets the offer. It is an unusual trait to be a naturally good interviewer in all situations, so every interview provides an opportunity for you to learn about what you could do better."