Babeland!

The mall pageant was just a warm-up. The real test would be state or, technically, tri-state. Sunburst combines Maryland, Virginia and Delaware into one regional mega-pageant. (There are no Sunburst pageants held in Washington.) Henry would be up against stiff competition now. This was the big time.

We had to buy Henry new outfits. He needed an all-black ensemble for the model search. For the swimsuit competition, we bought him red swim trunks and a matching red hat. Day-care wear required an outfit less formal than formalwear but more formal than, say, what he might actually wear to day care. We went with a sailor suit. Our total clothing bill came in just under $200. Which is ridiculous, considering that he will grow out of it all in, like, a month. At first we had been reluctant to tell friends we were entering Henry in a beauty contest. But it was a hard secret to keep. Once word got out, the reactions ranged from "Hmm" to "You are permanently damaging your child." One friend of mine was particularly insistent on this latter point.

I pointed out that it was extremely unlikely that Henry would remember any of this when he was older.

"But what will he think when he finds out?" she asked.

"Maybe I won't tell him."

"You're writing an article about it."

This was a valid point. He would almost certainly find out. And there was the possibility that this knowledge would be detrimental to his fragile sense of self. So, Henry, if you're reading this years from now, let me just say: I meant well. Also, suck it up.

We arrived at the Holiday Inn near Dulles Inter-national Airport on Friday afternoon. While I was checking in, a mother holding a toddler pushed in front of me.

"We're here for the Sunburst tri-state pageant," she declared. "Where do we go?"

The woman behind the counter pointed to the large Sunburst sign, not five feet away. After the mother hurried off, the woman behind the counter shook her head. "It's going to be a long weekend," she said.

She was right about that. I handed Kellie the key card so she could take Henry to the room while I stood in line to register. When it was my turn, I handed in our entry form.

"So, he's doing everything, right?"