Week 723: Name Your Poison

Makes the Heart Grow Fonder: Absinthe and oyster juice, best enjoyed before a blind date

No-Ink Monday: Bitters and sour grapes

Phyllis Reinhard of East Fallowfield, Pa., is a longtime habitue of Losernet, the e-mail group of various Style Invitational Losers and those who would associate with them. Phyllis reports that one Loser, "in his belief that we actually care about every nuance of his life," regularly shares the recipe of each new cocktail he tries from some book he has. This week: Create a name and recipe for a cocktail and, if you like, describe when it might be served.

Winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. First runner-up receives "The Twinkies Cookbook," "an inventive and unexpected recipe collection" put out by Hostess itself (Chapter 9: "Twinkies and Meat").

Other runners-up win their choice of a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt or yearned-for Loser Mug. Honorable Mentions (or whatever they're called that week) get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Magnets. One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e-mail to losers@washpost.com or by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, July 30. Put "Week 723" in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published Aug. 19. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. The revised title for next week's contest is by Russell Beland of Springfield. This week's Honorable Mentions name is by Phil Frankenfeld of Washington.

Report From Week 719

in which we asked you to create funny sports team names from any non-U.S. town: The good news: Many of you had a great time entering this contest, sometimes with hundreds of entries at a pop. One person sent 750. There were about 20,000 entries in all, including the dozens of fine examples printed below.

The bad news: At least 19,000 of the entries just stank up the place. They weren't remotely clever or funny, beyond the vague notion of "well, if an actual city had that team name, it would be sort of amusing." No wordplay, no joke. Among the most idiotic entries were those that referred to a product or landmark actually associated with the town name -- Peking Ducks! Bengal Tigers! Paisley Ties! Salisbury Steaks! Limoges Teacups! Chernobyl Reactors!

Still, there were some glittering needles to be found in this moldy, festering haystack. Among the funny but too often submitted entries were the Taipei Personalities, Almaty Dollars, London Derrieres, Riga Mortises, Essen Ems, Djibouti Shakers, Haifa Luteins, Quito Success and Whyalla Commotion. And that really good one you sent.

A final note: It's almost inevitable that some Loser also sent in one of the entries below and didn't get credited. What can we say: 20,000 entries vs. 1 Empress. Here's the deal: If your entry won a prize and your name isn't on it, AND YOU HAVE NEVER WON THAT PRIZE, let us know and we'll send you one. Otherwise, suck it up, Loser, and get on with your no-life.

4. The Inchbare (Scotland) Islamic Beach Volleyball Team (Jane Auerbach, Los Angeles)

3. The Juarez (Mexico) Waldos (Bill Cowart, Washington)

2. The winner of the CD of Regis Philbin singing: The Tripoli (Libya) Wide Sox (Steve Langer, Chevy Chase)