A Big Fat Target . . .

For Gene's customer service calls

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By Gene Weingarten

Sunday, July 29, 2007

I love shopping in Target. Where else can you find three-pound bags of Gummi Worms, kitchen appliances large enough to deep-fry a goat, flip-flops that cost $1 and don't appear to be worth it . . . plus all the customer service numbers any smartass columnist could want.

TARGET STORES

Me: I have a complaint. I went to your store and bought a 6-foot-tall mango tree. It's been almost a year, the thing hasn't grown at all, and there are no mangoes.

Alan: Those are decorative items. They're plastic.

Me: You're kidding.

Alan: No.

Me: I spent 40 bucks on fertilizer!

AMANA APPLIANCES

Me: I have a complaint about your four-burner family gas grill with side burner, rear rotisserie large enough for a whole chicken or rib roast, and 729-square-inch, dual-level surface big enough to fit 34 burgers, on sale at Target for $350.

John: Okay.

Me: It's not big enough. My wife, Luann, is the size of a convenience store. She can eat 34 burgers by herself. You got anything bigger?

John: We have a five-burner with a 48-inch cooking surface.

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