Communicate to Get What You Want

Sunday, July 29, 2007

A HIGHER SALARY

You're in the market for a job. You've made it through rounds of interviews. They're impressed. You're impressed. It's time to work out a deal. How to go about it? Here are some things to keep in mind:

Timing

A common mistake in salary negotiations is mentioning money too soon. "Talk about compensation after they've decided you're the perfect person for the job," says Roger Dawson, author of "Secrets of Power Salary Negotiating." That way, you'll have better leverage -- not to mention more confidence -- when it comes to pushing for more money.

Pay attention to the timing of the employer's needs. If the position needs to be filled quickly -- if, say, they're lacking manpower or someone else's promotion is predicated on the position being filled -- then you can use that as a bargaining chip.

Don't Reveal Numbers

The person who throws out the first number is typically at a disadvantage, because he or she has no idea how high (or low) the other person is willing to go. Try to get the employer to make the offer first.

And whatever you do, Dawson says, don't reveal how much you made in your previous job. That will limit how high your first demand can be. For example, if you're making $50,000, the prospective employer is going to know that your initial request for $100,000 is outrageous.

Flinch

When the employer makes a proposal, you need to show surprise, Dawson says. "They'll throw out a number, and they don't think for a minute you'll believe it," he says. But if you don't appear shocked, "what was an outrageously low proposition to them a moment ago now seems doable."

Develop Options

Having another job possibility will buy you some leverage, Dawson says. After all, you don't have to take this position. That's why conventional wisdom says to never leave a job until you have a new one lined up. Desperation does not make good negotiation.

Do Your Homework

Find out as much as you can about what people are paid in your position, throughout the company and elsewhere. Roger Dawson recommends using Web sites such as www.salaryexpert.com, www.salary.com and www.jobweb.com. Also investigate loopholes. If the company says it doesn't pay anyone in your position more than $80,000, but you know that they've granted sizable signing bonuses, press them on that point.

A HOUSE OF HARMONY

It's divvying up chores -- Who's turn is it to take out the trash, anyway? -- or deciding who gets the bigger room in your new apartment. In our personal relationships, we negotiate frequently. Here's how to do it effectively:

Compromise

The key is to negotiate for a win-win outcome, rather than win-lose. "When one person loses, both lose," says Elizabeth Sloan, a family therapist in Frederick and Glenn Dale. "There's resentment and fallout over time."

Talk It Out

Communicating openly with each other is critical, Sloan says: "Sometimes you're not going to come to an agreement, and that's okay. It isn't bad for the relationship; you just have to continue the dialogue."

Most important, though, is understanding why your position is important to you, so that you can articulate this to your partner -- diplomatically, of course.

"Too many people get into what I call Perry Mason mode," Sloan says. "They each have facts lined up behind their position that they think proves their partner is wrong, and that just creates defensiveness." Remember to listen to what the other person has to say about his or her position, and ask probing questions.

Keep the Big Picture in Mind

Don't let your emotions blind you to what really matters, whether it's a conversation about curfews or a dispute with your spouse about money.

Even if a marriage goes sour, negotiation is still critical. In divorce, "the two sides will never have more control over their future fates than when they're negotiating," says Christian Curtis, a divorce lawyer in Alexandria who says settling out of court is a win-win situation.

"Usually the biggest asset is going to be a house," he says. "In cases where people refuse to negotiate, they wind up destroying whatever equity they have. They're going to spend it on attorney fees and trial preparation."

BARGAINS AND BONUSES

Looking for a bargain at the flea market? A better rate at the hotel? Here are some tips from Jim Thomas of McLean-based Common Ground Seminars:

Avoid Proposing a Price

Thomas calls this "krunching": saying, "I hear your proposal. I'm not really excited about it, but I'm not going to give you a proposal of my own." It might be just silence, in which you pick up the item, look at the vendor and then look back at the item. Or perhaps it's saying, "What can you do for me on the price?"

If the vendor concedes a lower price, you hem and haw again. "Basically, you krunch until he realizes he's making all the concessions, bargaining against himself," Thomas says.

Start Assertively, Then Back Off

When you can krunch no further, make an offer -- but don't open with what you expect to get. Calculate your offer so that it will be rejected. Then taper your concessions so that the initial one is the biggest you make, with further concessions increasingly smaller. This not only shows flexibility at the outset, but it also suggests closure as you near your target.

Try to Squeeze Out a Little More

Jim Thomas calls this "nibbling": asking for an extra concession at the very end of a negotiation ¿ for instance, an extra percentage off the flea market price or a complimentary bottle of champagne at the hotel. It's a sweetener in exchange for closure, he says. "In the worst-case scenario, you just withdraw it," he says. "They'd never go ballistic at the end of a negotiation. Nibbling is essentially risk-free, because they want to close the deal, and you're dangling it right in front of them."