Don't Share the Weight

When Braham went on vacation last week, the two stayed in touch by phone. They have each lost about 10 pounds since they began their regimen about a month ago. "I've done this with Weight Watchers, where you get some support," McCarthy says. "But it's not the same as doing this with your friend."

Braham has also been inspired by some hospital colleagues who have lost weight, including one nurse who shed 65 pounds. "If she can lose that much," Braham says, "I can take off some, too."

It's that combination of successful role model and social support that leads some scientists to suggest that "we can harness the same forces to slow the spread of obesity that help cause it," says weight-loss researcher Janet D. Latner, an assistant professor of psychology at the University of Hawaii at Manoa. "Helping each other stay on track is the nature of self-help, whether it occurs on the Internet or in actual self-help groups."

Some experts worry, however, that the latest findings could be used to discriminate against overweight people. "The danger in interpreting these results is to blame obese people for problems that others have," says psychologist Kelly Brownell, director of Yale University's Rudd Center for Food Policy and Obesity. "That could further stigmatize obese people."

Pat Clark, a Lean Plate Club member in Elk Grove Village, Ill., understands how easily that distancing could occur. Clark's longtime best friend is obese. "With a friend who is obviously not exercising, the most likely, big social thing to do is going out to eat," she says.

Clark, 47, gained 20 pounds while nursing her elderly mother through an extended illness until her death in April. But now that she is working hard to lose the weight, she isn't about to let a few pounds come between her and her best friend. "I'm not cutting off contact," she says, "but I do lay out some boundaries."

So when they recently planned to go to a flea market, Clark's friend suggested having breakfast first at the IHOP. Worried that she'd overeat, Clark suggested that they each pack a breakfast and eat it together at a park near the flea market. "That way," Clark says, "I could control what I was eating and she could eat whatever she wanted."

Clark understands that her new habits add a different dimension to this valued friendship. "I don't push it on her," she says. "She has to get the point where she is ready."